If you’re a child of a narcissistic parent, it may be challenging for you to see the signs. First, you have no frame of reference for what a “normal” parent is. Second, narcissistic upbringing conditions you to find faults in yourself, not your difficult parent (who’s more likely to be the source of the problem).
But even though you may not recognize specific signs of narcissistic abuse, you probably have a vague sense that something is wrong.
You may have anxiety around your parent or wonder why nothing you do is ever good enough. You may also feel like you can’t be yourself around your parent and that you have to work for their love.
These are just a few common “red flags” that might point you in the right direction.
So without further ado, let’s dive into the detailed list of the signs you have a narcissistic parent.
33 Signs You Have a Narcissistic Parent
1. Neglects your emotional needs
Some of our most essential emotional needs are unconditional love, acceptance, support, praise, and a sense of belonging. When these needs are satisfied, a child grows up with healthy self-esteem and a sense of self-worth.
When these needs are not met, low self-esteem and issues of self-worth are often the results.
Narcissistic parents are so exclusively focused on their own needs that they often neglect the emotional needs of their children.
2. Never admits fault or apologizes
No parent is perfect, and most parents are aware of that. That’s why taking ownership of one’s mistakes and shortcomings is usually a part of a healthy parent-child dynamic.
But with narcissistic parents, the assumption is that they’re perfect and that they’re never at fault. So it’s always the child’s fault if there is an issue.
And even if they are undeniably at fault, the child can’t bring it up because of the enormous debt of gratitude they should be burdened with for everything the parent has done for them.
3. Demands total obedience
A narcissistic parent has an extremely self-serving, rigid worldview, one that supports the weight of their inflated ego. Their beliefs and attitudes are often irrational and contradictory. But don’t you dare question them!
Children of the narcissist are expected to show total admiration and obedience. Their role is to serve as the reflections of the parent’s idealized self.
For example, if the parent’s idealized self is “the perfect mother,” she will expect constant praise and appreciation from her children.
A child who affirms the parent’s grandiose self-image becomes the “golden child.” A child who fails to reflect it back to her is cast in the role of the family “scapegoat“.
4. Unfavorably compares you to others
Unfavorable or negative comparisons are deeply wounding to a child’s self-esteem. It can rob the child of a sense of self-worth, pride, and uniqueness. Oblivious to the damage, narcissistic parents often engage in negative comparisons.
They may feel that comparing their children to other, “better” children will motivate their offspring to reach higher and fulfill the parent’s grandiose hopes.
But in fact, it does the opposite.
5. Puts their needs and feelings first
Most parents know that parenthood implies the sacrifice of one’s needs to a certain degree.
But because narcissistic parents are empathy-deficient, they are incapable of prioritizing anyone else’s needs but their own.
So their children are expected to take care of themselves from a young age.
6. Constantly manipulates you to get their way
A narcissistic parent maintains control with constant and blatant manipulation tactics such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, the blame game, playing the victim, etc.
It’s an insidious form of mind control that amounts to psychological abuse.
7. Gives you cold shoulder whenever you show independence
Loving parents give their children a degree of autonomy and free will to make their own decisions and choices. The older the child, the more freedom they are afforded.
But to a narcissistic parent, a child’s independence is a slap in the face.
They don’t want you to be independent because it threatens the parent and makes them feel like they’re losing their grip on you.
So to maintain control, they’ll manufacture ways to keep you dependent on them. They’ll even sabotage you, all to keep you under their thumb.
8. Is verbally abusive
If your parent says hurtful and derogatory things when they’re mad at you, that’s verbal abuse.
A narcissistic parent is often a verbally abusive parent because they know just what to say to cut you the deepest.
For example, if you’re sensitive about your weight, a narcissistic parent might habitually call you “fatty” or “Ms. Piggy” and then claim that they were joking.
9. Is obsessed with their public image
Like any narcissist, a narcissistic parent is all about appearances. It’s important for them that people have a good opinion of them.
So a lot of what they do (particularly charitable things) have a hidden motive of gaining public admiration.
The ugly truth is, they wear a benevolent mask in public but are often mean in private. Only the people closest to them (or those they feel they can control) are privy to their real self.
10. Is hypersensitive to any criticism
They may appear confident and self-assured, but on the inside, a narcissist feels worthless and on the verge of collapse.
That’s why a narcissistic parent is so sensitive to any negative feedback or even the slightest display of defiance.
Granted, everyone is averse to criticism to some degree. But narcissistic parents believe themselves to be perfect. So criticism can throw them off balance and even trigger narcissistic injury.
11. Tries to make you feel guilty for the things they do for you
If you have a narcissistic parent, nothing they do is selfless or free. There’s always a “price” attached to it. You may not be aware of it at the time. But rest assured, you’ll be given the “bill” later.
Whether it’s your time, money, favors, or sacrificing who you are, a narcissistic parent will come to collect. And if you’re not playing ball, they’ll use guilt to make you comply.
12. Fabricates ailments to be the center of attention
A narcissistic parent will fake being seriously ill or fabricate a “health scare” to get attention, support, or sympathy.
This is more typical of narcissistic mothers or grandmothers, but fathers can also pretend to be ill or exaggerate their illness.
Unlike hypochondriacs, narcissistic parents know they are not sick. They are deliberately deceiving others to exert power and evade accountability for their actions.
For example, after you set a boundary with your manipulative mother, she comes down with a mysterious ailment. She may even imply that you caused it. You are then forced to abandon the boundary, apologize, or drop everything to come to her rescue.
And voila! The narcissistic parent regained control.
13. Has unrealistic expectations of you
This is typical narcissistic behavior: setting impossible standards, then acting disappointed when the child is unable to meet them.
Keep in mind that there is a difference between high expectations and unrealistic expectations.
High expectations instill confidence in children and let them know that the parent believes in them. Unrealistic expectations, on the other hand, set the stage for failure and, ultimately, the loss of self-esteem.
Setting unrealistic expectations is one of the many ways narcissistic parents sabotage their children’s futures.
14. Is loving one minute, only to turn vicious the next
Narcissistic parents are chameleons. Sometimes they will confuse you by acting with love and care toward you. They may praise you and even state that they’re proud of you.
That’s what’s so painful and frustrating about being a child of a narcissistic parent. Sometimes they will give you a glimpse of the love and validation you so desperately need from them.
Only to take it away the next moment.
15. Hypercritical of everything you do
Narcissists have a way of putting you down in order to feel better about themselves. That includes their children.
Good parents delight in their child’s talents or accomplishments. A narcissistic parent feels jealous and threatened by them. So they chip away at your self-esteem with constant criticism, letting you know that you’re not good enough.
As Terry Apter writes, “Since a narcissistic parent is likely to feel empty herself, she may try to make others feel even more inadequate.”
16. Punishes you with silent treatment
Make no mistake about it — silent treatment is a form of punishment and one of the worst types of emotional abuse. That’s why they call it a “mental murder.” A narcissistic parent “kills” you in their mind, communicating that nothing you say or do matters and that you don’t exist anymore.
To a child, this is incredibly painful. And despite that or because of that, this is the narcissistic parent’s favorite instrument of control.
It can go on for days, weeks, months, even years! Until you learn your lesson, apologize, or make amends.
17. Has to control every aspect of your life
Many of history’s most infamous leaders ruled with an iron fist and used fear to control the population. Unfortunately, narcissistic parents act in a similar way.
If your parent is a narcissist, he or she might
- threaten to cut you off or disown you if you don’t do everything according to their will
- have temper tantrums so you feel like you have to walk on eggshells
- publically shame you for making a simple mistake
- micromanage everything you do, however small
- go to great lengths to punish you if they feel slighted by you
- have had unreasonably strict rules when you were growing up
- spy on you to try to catch you doing something wrong
18. Is jealous of you and threatened by your success
Narcissistic parents defy logic because they demand two different, conflicting things from their children.
On the one hand, narcissistic parent wants their children to “shine.” So they have to be brilliant, talented, exceptionally beautiful, etc. to reassure the parent of their own exceptionalism and superiority.
On the other hand, the child can’t shine too brightly, so as not to “outshine” the parent.
As a result, children of narcissistic parents have to walk a thin line between excellence and self-deprecation.
19. Constantly turns the conversation back to them
Narcissists don’t listen; they wait for their turn to speak.
Even when they do listen, they listen with no empathy. So their habitual response is to turn the conversation back to themselves. There is a term for that — “conversational narcissist.”
If you are a child of a narcissistic parent, you may be very familiar with this behavior. Your whole life you probably felt like you can’t turn to your parent for support because they make everything about them.
20. Tries to live out their dreams through you
It’s normal for parents to want their children to have what they didn’t have: a college degree, a house, a happy family… But most of all, they just want them to be happy.
A narcissistic parent couldn’t care less about how you feel. They just want to live vicariously through you because of their own unrealized or failed ambitions. And they’re willing to sacrifice your happiness to satisfy their own unfulfilled desires.
Remember the movie “Dead Poets Society”? Neil was a talented actor but his narcissistic father insisted that he drops acting and goes to medical school, all because it was the father’s dream to become a doctor but he didn’t have such an opportunity growing up.
21. Minimizes or ignores your accomplishments
Instead of rejoicing in the child’s achievement, a narcissistic parent tries to find the negatives in it, make fun of it, or minimize it.
They may say things like: “Oh it’s not that big of a deal. Stop showing off, it’s unattractive.” Or: “You’re getting a big head.” They may even come down with a headache or some other sudden affliction to put the spotlight back on them.
The narcissistic parent thinks they’re being a good parent by keeping their child humble. But the deeper reason for that is that narcissistic parents feel jealous of their children, so they try to bring them down a notch.
22. Displays a total lack of empathy
Lack of empathy is one of the most prominent signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
If your parent
- lacks the ability to understand or sense your perspective, feelings, and needs
- tends to blame or judge you harshly
- dismisses your pain or calls you “too sensitive”
- responds with indifference when you express sadness or distress
- has no awareness of how their behavior can be hurtful
there is a good chance they have narcissism in some form.
23. Monopolizes your time
They say that time is our most precious resource. And yet we tend to give so much of it away to negative thoughts, destructive emotions, and toxic people.
It’s particularly true if you have a narcissistic parent who feels entitled to your time and attention.
They may call you on the phone and drone on and on about their day with no regard for your plans or schedule. Or they may barge in uninvited and unannounced and stay well past their welcome.
The common thing you may expect from these visits and phone calls is that they’ll use you as a “dump” for all their emotional garbage.
24. Only cares about how you make them look
Most people have children with an intention of loving them with all their hearts.
But to some, parenthood is just another way to boost their damaged egos.
A narcissistic mother or father sees their child not as an individual but as an extension of themselves. Their whole purpose for existence is to make the parent look good.
If the child fails to do that, the narcissistic parent perceives it as a betrayal and reacts with sharp criticism, disappointment, and rejection.
25. Has difficult relationships with people in their life
Narcissists are known for their desire for control and lack of empathy. Not surprisingly, these qualities make them lousy at relationships, be it an intimate relationship, a friendship, or a parent-child bond.
So a narcissistic parent will probably have constant tension and conflict in relationships, which they will attribute to other people’s faults.
The connections with their children are also usually high-conflict unless it’s the “golden child” who mirrors the narcissist’s idealized self.
But even the “golden child” has an uneasy relationship with their narcissistic parent because of guilt, a sense of isolation, and emotional incest they experienced as a child.
26. Disregards your wishes and undermines you
A narcissistic parent is notorious for disregarding your wishes and needs.
Ironically, this is probably what they experienced in childhood, too. A child whose emotional needs are not met will learn manipulative or deceitful ways to cope.
27. Takes everything personally
Most narcissists are insufferable egotists with delusions of grandeur. But there’s also a painfully vulnerable side to them. When it comes down to it, narcissists have extremely thin skin.
As previously mentioned, a narcissistic parent is hypersensitive to criticism. But even when no criticism occurred, they still manage to get offended.
Forgot to call your parent? Clearly, that means you don’t want to talk to them.
Unable to make it to a family dinner? Obviously, you don’t care about your family so maybe don’t bother coming over anymore.
Spending the holidays with the in-laws? I guess your own family isn’t good enough.
28. Lacks boundaries
Narcissistic parents typically have enmeshed boundaries with their children.
They don’t see their children as separate, autonomous individuals with their own feelings, thoughts, desires, and an ability to make their own choices.
Instead, the parent believes that they have the right to dictate how their children should live their lives.
So the lines between the narcissistic parent and the child are blurred, creating an enmeshed, codependent relationship.
29. Plays favorites
A narcissistic parent will often pick one “golden child” as the embodiment of their perfect self and the “scapegoat,” which personifies all the rejected, negative aspects of their fragile self.
In this difficult family dynamic, siblings are pinned against one another to vie for the parent’s love and approval.
This is one of the oldest tricks in the narcissistic parent handbook.
Oftentimes, the choice of which sibling the parent bestows her or his love upon is completely arbitrary, and it can change over time.
That’s because to a narcissistic parent, children aren’t real people. They are extreme projections of the parent’s own best and worst qualities.
30. Has temper tantrums
Narcissists are like children. When they don’t get their way, they throw a tantrum.
So one of the most triggering things for them is boundaries.
Your parent will be enraged when they can’t knock down the walls you have erected around yourself, and they will react like a 3-year old. The tantrums will come in many different forms ranging from the silent treatment to picking arguments.
With this behavior, the narcissistic parent aims to get a reaction from you. If they’re successful in pushing your “hot buttons,” they feel like they’ve won.
31. Is parasitic
Although the narcissistic parent is convinced that they are the “giver” in the relationship with their child (and they often play the “I’ve sacrificed so much for you” card), the opposite is true.
The parent is the parasite that’s feeding off the child — emotionally and in some cases, financially.
They consume their child’s time, energy, resources, and their very sense of self, it seems, leaving them drained and lifeless.
32. Has “flying monkeys”
Narcissistic parents are good at manipulating people’s perception of them.
So not everyone will see your parent for who they really are. Some will be their defenders, advocates, or “flying monkeys.”
“Flying monkeys” is the term that describes people who willingly (or unwillingly) do what the narcissist wants them to do, like the winged monkeys of the Wicked Witch of the West.
For example, if you chose to go low or no contact with your narcissistic mother, some well-meaning family members might try to influence you on her behalf. They’ll think they’re acting on their own, but in fact, they’ve been duped and manipulated to do her bidding.
33. Is totally oblivious to the pain they cause
Narcissists are masters of denial. Even when there is indisputable evidence of the harm and pain inflicted, they will still maintain their innocence and refuse to accept any accountability.
Although narcissism is a spectrum and it can be argued that some degree of self-awareness exists, the nature of the disorder dictates that the parent cannot or will not recognize the error of their ways.
That’s the reason why so many adult children of narcissists find it so difficult to forgive their parent.
33 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent: Summary
We’ve covered in detail the signs of a parent with narcissistic traits.
Here’s the summary for quick reference. He or she
- neglects your emotional needs
- never admits fault, apologizes, or accepts a different point of view
- demands total admiration and obedience from their children
- unfavorably compares you to other people
- puts their needs and feelings first
- constantly tries to manipulate you to get their way
- gives you cold shoulder whenever you show independence
- says hurtful and derogatory things when they’re mad at you
- obsessed with their public image
- is hypersensitive to any criticism or the slightest display of defiance
- tries to make you feel guilty for all the things they do for you
- fabricates ailments to be the center of attention
- has unrealistic expectations of you
- is loving one minute, only to turn vicious the next
- hypercritical of everything you do
- is jealous of you and threatened by your success
- punishes you with the silent treatment to teach you a lesson
- minimizes or ignores your accomplishments
- has to control every aspect of your life
- constantly turns the conversation back to them
- displays a total lack of empathy
- tries to live out their dreams through you
- monopolizes your time and lacks boundaries
- only cares about how you make them look
- has difficult relationships with most people in their life
- disregards your wishes and undermines you
- takes everything personally
- lacks boundaries
- plays favorites
- has temper tantrums
- is parasitic
- has “flying monkeys”
- is totally oblivious to the pain they cause.
Coming to Terms With Having a Narcissistic Parent
The parent-child bond is sacred.
But in some families, it becomes just another facet of parental narcissism.
If you grew up in a family like that, reading this article may be triggering for you.
It is not easy to come to terms with the fact that you might have a narcissistic parent. Doing so might induce a lot of uncomfortable feelings and confusion – it’s your parent, after all!
You may even feel guilty for exploring the idea that there might be something wrong with your parent. Chances are, you were raised to believe that you owe everything to them. So asserting your needs or questioning their behavior can feel like you’re betraying them on some level.
You’re not.
Everyone comes to a point in their lives when they confront their childhood traumas, sort out the past, and try to forge their own way forward.
There’s nothing sinister about that.
Another feeling you may be dealing with is anger. You may feel like your parent ruined your life or at least robbed you of a happy, normal childhood.
It’s OK to feel angry. Some people get so angry, they choose to permanently sever ties with their narcissistic parent. Others confront their parent in hopes of finding some sort of validation of their experiences, only to be dismissed and gaslighted.
There are no wrong feelings. It’s all valid and understandable.
As you go through this process of coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent, here are a few things to keep in mind.
Self-Care Tips For Children of Narcissistic Parents
Here are some coping strategies you can adopt in order to deal with the emotional fallout of having a narcissistic parent.
- Whatever feelings come up, feel them. Don’t push them back down because they’re unpleasant. Explore them with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse or a trustworthy friend.
- Practice journaling to process what you’re going through. There is something incredibly cathartic about putting your thoughts and feelings on paper. So if you can, use a real journal, not type on the computer.
- Practice affirmations to re-write your narcissistic parent’s programming. Affirmations are so helpful when you’re dealing with negative programming based on narcissistic parent’s lies.
- Surround yourself with people who love and support you. This may be a turbulent process no matter how you approach it. But having the social support can make a big difference.
- Cultivate self-compassion. As a child of a narcissistic parent, you may have a highly critical inner voice. That’s because you’ve internalized your parent’s voice. So try to be aware of that inner voice and challenge it. Show yourself the compassion you so deserve.
Coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent is a complex situation. The average person won’t experience this in their lifetime.
So be intentional about taking care of yourself and choosing what’s best for you moving forward.
References
Apter, T. (2012). Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power. W.W. Norton & Company.
Drake, K. (2021). Is It Possible to Lack Empathy? Retrieved from PsychCentral.
O’Reilley, C. A. & Boerr, B. (2020). Conceit and deceit: Lying, cheating, and stealing among grandiose narcissists. Personality and Individual Differences 154. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.109627
NEXT
Moving Away From Family: How to Handle the Guilt Trips
Coping With a Narcissistic Mother: 9 Tips to Heal the Damage
Family Estrangement: How to Move on From Cutting Toxic Family Ties
Funny, this says the average person won’t experience this in their lifetime. me over here, BOTH my mom and dad are narcissistic, and divorced multiple times, of course. one thing left out here for a point 34, is that the parent may play tit for tat. when my dad said that we deserved some of the abuse when we were kids, i called him out and we got in an argument. immediately after he hung up, he tried to ask me a random question about a health supplement. i didnt answer because im trying to draw boundaries. well its been 1 week shy of 4 months since he’s spoken to me. not a text or call. and im ok with that, he’s always put his work life and new family ahead of his own kids. im just gonna wait him out and see how long it takes for him to cave. i refuse to chase people anymore! if you dont want to be in my life, i aint stopping you from leaving!
I grew up with a malignant NPDisorder mom…I knew she wasn’t right, but if you grow up in it, you are unable to tell just what is going on, you know no other way of life. It runs in families, that’s a huge clue for anyone…my mom’s siblings (3 others) all have NPD, and there are many people unfortunately that have been damaged by this. BY THE WAY, NO ONE DOES THIS CONSCIOUSLY. IT IS SUB-CONSCIOUS PROGRAMMING, my mom & her siblings had it done to them. No one consciously wants to be this way or damage their kids. AND, IT CAN APPEAR AS OVERT (direct damaging behavior) or COVERT (very covered-up manipulation/domination). Most of my mom’s family it was OVERT (you saw the dysfunction), but my mom’s sister, it was COVERT. They had wealth, on the surface all looked good just like they like it, but; their kid who is 50 never left home, never had a family, and worked at her parent’s business most of her life. I don’t believe she is even aware that she had her life imposed on her. Every aspect of her life was dominated, manipulated with money, and by the way, she is hugely obese, which to me means on some level there is emotional pain. She also has NPD disorder and is in some weird co-dependent relationship with her mom (my aunt).
If you recognize the pattern, the best thing is to realize it, read about it, then everyday love on yourself for having survived it. Be proud that no matter what, you recognize what you went through & understand it is okay to go through a process of letting it all go, to become a better version of you now that you understand what was done to you.
There are 4 items on the list that did not describe my father. The rest very much represent how he was. He maintained some level of control over me up to the day he died. My wife had many of dads traits she used my insecurities against me every chance she could. I considered leaving her once but made the mistake of confiding in my father. Shame and guilt and threats of physically beating and disowning me if I ever tried leaving my wife., I didn’t know what a narcissist was and never considered myself to be abused. I spent my life trying to be what the two of them wanted me to be and always fell short. Dad didn’t like the fact that I went to college and worked as an engineer for many years. Sitting in an office playing on a computer wasn’t real work as far as he was concerned.
All the years my wife and I were married she constantly accused me of cheating and lying and so on. While accusing me of things she always claimed to be .honest and faithful telling me how thankful I should be for having her. Near the end of our marriage I crossed a line and read her journal when she wasn’t home. It had dates and details of an affair that had been going on for just over 2 years. When I confronted her she denied doing anything wrong and turned her rage on me for being controlling and jealous and snooping through her stuff. She told me to pack up and leave and said she was going to file for a divorce.
Dad never got it through his head that I wasn’t the one who ended my marriage. I turned to alcohol to numb the pain and shame and guilt and in a short period of time had gotten 2 dwi’s both involving accidents. Luckily I didn’t hurt anyone. After my first dwi dad had a talk with me. He told me to quit drinking and to be a real man and beg my ex to take me back. My work suffered because I simply didn’t care. I continued drinking it wasn’t long before I woke up in the ditch with a county cop assisting me out of my car. Dad refused to speak to me for several weeks and when he did it was only to dish out my punishment. He informed me that he sold the piece of property that he had promised me all my life would be mine someday. Most of the good times from my childhood were spending time in those woods with dad. I was well in my 40’s when he sold it and he said I needed to learn to listen and do what I’m told. I didn’t really stand up to him but I did call him out for being a hypocrite. Many years before my marriage, mom left him. For most of that first year he drove around with a case of beer and a loaded gun trying to find where the guy lived that mom jumped the fence for.
I am ashamed of myself for allowing people to control me as they did. When dad passed away, it was too late. To late for me to prove I’m a good enough son. Too late for him to say sorry or I love you.
Hi Tom,
“I am ashamed of myself for allowing people to control me as they did.” Shame comes easy to those who grew up with a narcissistic parent. It’s not a reflection on who you are but rather on the way you were raised. Part of the healing journey is realizing you have nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn’t your fault. It was NEVER your fault. And another thing – if your dad was truly a narcissist, you could never prove to him that you’re good enough. That is an impossible task. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Now that he’s gone, try to understand that the way he was is a sickness. It was never about you and what you did or didn’t do. He was simply incapable of the kind of love you deserved. The kind of love every child deserves.
Sincerely,
Lana
I would like to add to this list:
1) Surreptitiously steals, discards, loans out or gives away, or destroys your personal property if you are unfortunate enough to leave it within their reach. Includes killing pets.
2) Makes public proclamations about your personal business.
3) Engages in physical violence when you are too young to defend yourself.
4) Mocks you when she causes you to get upset.
5) Invades every aspect of your privacy.
6) Engages in spiteful behavior against anyone.
7) Last but not least – makes you the “identified patient,” calling your sanity into question.
If the world was right these people would be sterilized have their children taken away.
There is so much feel good fuss in the school systems these days. Why not educate the kids about what abusive parents do and provide support so they can get away from the nut jobs?
Here’s one for you 1st I was adopted which is problem
2adopted mother is a covert narrsisit with a mantra Co.mplex
3 I’ve been alienated well I’m the scapegoat rather is golden child
4 my first sons father took off with another woman 37 years ago when I was 7 1/5 months pregnant never saw him again I moved around the world I found out that all of her trips back home she was visiting the father that took off she gave my son all the information they got in contact my son only with his family has contact with the guy that a andonded hinm37 years ago my mother and brother and all the fa.mily get together for everything I’m not even alloud to meet my grandchild who is now two his sister I’d 4 haven’t seen them in years but they all get together and return back to visit the father who abandoned him 37 years ago .
The daughter in law is a nightmare she’s a narrsisit as well so what advice do you have for t his
I would add to this list: public humiliation. From the time I was a toddler until today as a middle aged adult, my mom loves to make jokes at my expense in front of me to friends, neighbors and even strangers. Not even jokes, just insults disguised as jokes. For example, my parents helped me out financially for a brief period when I was young and starting out. Years later, I had a big professional advancement. In a conversation with neighbors, and me standing right there, she bragged about my career but then added “at least we don’t have to support her anymore!” It had been over a dozen years since I’d taken any money from them. My mom has a unique ability to brag about me and mock me at the same time.
That’s a very poignant point, Janet! You’re right, compliments and insults go hand in hand…and doing it publicly feeds the narcissistic ego like no other. It’s so sad when parents do it to their own children.