Most people understand that dropping by unannounced is rude. But your toxic relative is either tone-deaf to the awkwardness of the situation or intentionally ignores the social norms to accommodate their own needs.

For those extra thick-headed jerks, here are 7 tips on how to deal with their obnoxious intrusiveness.

1. This Isn’t a Good Time

You don’t have to be rude too to show that this isn’t a good time for a visit.

Simply state that you’re in the middle of something and ask them to come back later (but call first!).

2. Business As Usual

If asking them to come another time isn’t a possibility and the visit is inevitable, don’t drop everything to entertain them!

That’s exactly what they expect, but your company is a privilege reserved for those who respect your time and space.

Excuse yourself and go back to whatever you were doing before the intrusion. They will get the message that you’re busy unless they’re complete dimwits or psychopaths.

3. Withering Stare

Fix them with a really withering stare, then say this slowly, without breaking eye contact: “Oh. What a surprise.”

At the very least it’ll make them uncomfortable, and you’ll get to practice your Dexter impersonation.

4. Sock on the Doorknob

Another variation of this – pretend they interrupted something private.

My husband and I did this to his mother once. We answered the door half-naked, giggling, and out of breath. She turned red in the face, then bolted out the door after a few minutes of awkward small talk.

The best part is: she didn’t come back for at least 6 months after this! So worth it.

5. Important Appointment

Pretend you’re on your way out. “Oh hi! I wish you would have called. I have a doctor’s appointment, so I have to leave. Bye!”

Then literally walk out the door and keep walking until they leave.

6. No One’s Home

This method is fun, mischievous, and it spares you the need to have an awkward conversation with your obnoxious relative.

It’s sort of like playing hide-and-seek, and you get great satisfaction from knowing that that relative wasted their time.

Next time they’ll think twice before swinging by unannounced! Even if your car is in a driveway and all the lights are on, sit tight.

You can always say you were in the shower and didn’t hear the doorbell.

7. Just Tell Them

When all else fails, be direct and TELL THEM.

This might be the quickest way to deal with relatives invading your space. However, it’s not the easiest. It depends on how you do it, and when.

It’s best to have that talk calmly when they’re about to leave, so it doesn’t look like you’re kicking them out.

Or call them and politely state that they need to call or text before coming over.

Why Addressing Uninvited Visits is Important

Whether you address unannounced visits head-on or choose a more diplomatic approach, it’s important that you address them, period.

It may seem like a small issue that isn’t worth the trouble, but it is a boundary violation.

A small boundary violation is still a violation.

That’s the reason why it bothers you so much when someone does it.

In all honesty, not all surprise visits are bad. I wouldn’t mind if a dear friend came unannounced (I would wonder why she decided to just drop by but it wouldn’t bother me).

I wouldn’t mind if my mom came by unannounced (though I know she wouldn’t do that).

But it’s always the “wrong” kind of people on the other side of the door, isn’t it? It’s either your judgmental mother-in-law, a drunk ex-boyfriend, an obnoxious neighbor, or a Jehovah’s witness!

Those are the people you want to stay clear of your space.

Granted, it’s a tricky situation. As a woman, you are hammered with the notion that you must always be polite, sweet, and hospitable to guests. God forbid someone feels unwelcome in your house! What would Emily Post say?

This programming is so ingrained that most women have trouble saying “no,” having even the slightest conflict, and especially setting boundaries. To deal with uninvited visitors, you must overcome that!

Think of it this way: if you’re smiling so hard your cheeks hurt because you don’t want them to notice you’re annoyed, you might as well give them the keys to your house.

Because guess what? They’ll be dropping by all the time! Now, you don’t want that, do you?

So draw the line in the sand, the sooner the better. And when they do come by, keep the visits short and sweet.

NEXT

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