Is it easy to spot narcissistic behavior in men? Sometimes — yes, especially when we’re talking about a public figure like Donald Trump.

But when you’re dealing with someone less transparent, it could be like deciphering a secret code.

That’s because someone gifted in the art of deception knows how to project the right image. They won’t immediately set off your alarms when you meet them. In fact, you might even find them charming, charismatic, or fascinating.

Still, any narcissist will become more obvious the more you know them. They wear their masks well, but sooner or later their true colors will show.

You may be wondering: why are we talking about narcissistic behavior in men? Can’t anyone be a narcissist – men and women, young and old, adults and children, gay, straight, and everything in between?

Absolutely. Narcissism is not limited to a specific gender or any one group. But narcissistic behavior in men differs from the same behavior in women. Here’s why.

Why Male and Female Narcissistic Behaviors Are Different

Although there are common traits, male and female narcissism presents differently.

For one, female narcissists are more likely to have a passive-aggressive way of expressing themselves. Narcissistic men, on the other hand, tend to be more transparent, aggressive, arrogant, and prone to narcissistic rage.

Another major difference is that narcissistic women tend to be focused on their physical appearance (sometimes called “somatic narcissism”), while their male counterparts are more likely to be driven by the desire for power and achievement.

If you look at these differences closely, you’ll realize that they originate in our society’s gender roles.

Girls are praised for being pretty and are discouraged from showing anger, aggression, and dominance. Boys are praised for being masculine and are discouraged from showing their emotions and vulnerability.

Coupled with a misogynistic belief that men are better leaders than women, and a pressure to be successful and dominant, these cultural messages are bound to create generations of narcissistic men.

Covert vs. Overt Narcissism

Although differences exist, they are more like patterns than rules. There are passive-aggressive covert males, just like there are overtly narcissistic females.

For example, covert male narcissists don’t present like a “textbook” narcissist. But that doesn’t make them any less dangerous. In fact, it can be argued that covert guys are more dangerous because they can fly under most people’s radar.

This is what people often don’t realize: a narcissist doesn’t necessarily come off as “the bad boy” or a toxic person.

My narcissistic ex was a college professor, and he was usually very generous with me. He was liked by everyone, including his students. He had an active social life, a great sense of humor, and an appreciation for the arts.

If you met him, you’d probably think he’s a great guy — not narcissistic in the slightest. In fact, a little self-deprecating even. It was only when you “crossed” him that his true nature came out.

But this is a topic for another discussion. In this article, we will focus on typical narcissistic behavior and traits in men.

22 Common Examples of Narcissistic Behavior in Men

1. Jealousy: you belong to me

Narcissistic men tend to be jealous and possessive. They demand total loyalty and lash out violently when they perceive even the slightest betrayal.

For example, talking to another man at a party could be seen as cheating by a narcissistic partner.

Of course, they never hold themselves up to the same high standard.

2. Blame: it’s always you

Whatever happens in the relationship, it’s always your fault. He will find a way to twist the situation in a way that makes you look like the bad guy. Every time.

This is the essence of narcissistic abuse. You are forced to take responsibility for everything so that the narcissistic man can feel superior and in control.

He will punish you with the silent treatment and other emotionally abusive tactics until you do. So don’t expect apologies from him.

3. Cheating and womanizing

Despite the jealousy and the possessiveness he exhibits in a relationship, a narcissistic partner is unlikely to be faithful.

His deep insecurity makes him crave attention and actively work to attract people.

He is often flirty with other women, and because he lacks boundaries, he can easily cross them.

4. Gaslighting and crazymaking

Any narcissist uses gaslighting and crazymaking. This is what allows him to evade responsibility for his abusive behavior.

And since he uses it a lot, he’s really good at it. Practice makes perfect!

It also allows him to always have an upper hand in the relationship.

For example, you suspect that your boyfriend is cheating so you confront him about it. He denies it passionately and feigns indignation. You feel terrible about your suspicions and end up apologizing to him.

That’s gaslighting in an intimate relationship at its finest. Whenever you confront him about his actions, you walk away confused or convinced that you did something wrong, not him.

5. Sexist ideas about women

We already touched upon the fact that our culture nurtures narcissism in boys by instilling in them a sense of entitlement and superiority.

For that reason, narcissistic men often have skewed perceptions of men and women and can make misogynistic statements. They tend to see women as either gold-digging whores or immaculate maternal Madonnas.

Between you and me, even if the guy is not a narcissist, it’s a huge red flag.

6. Inconsistent and confusing behavior

It’s hard to understand his “multiple personalities.” One day he’s the life of the party, the next day — the Unabomber who hates the world. One day he adores you, then the ghosts you for a week.

He can also have a very different persona in public than in private. If you want to know more, here’s a detailed post about the typical masks narcissists wear.

7. Driven by the need to control

Narcissists crave control. It’s how they deal with the inner chaos and shame they experience.

Sometimes their need for dominance and control is obvious, like when you have a narcissistic boss or a coworker who aggressively climbs the career ladder.

But more often than not, it’s more subtle than that. It’s in the way the narcissist takes control of your mind by conditioning you to want his approval.

8. Preoccupied with self-image

Image is everything to a narcissist. He’s all about appearances. That’s why he has to project an image of a perfect family or a perfect relationship to an outside world.

For example, a narcissistic father will put pressure on his kids to always look presentable, have perfect grades, excel at sports and other activities. If the child fails to uphold the image of a perfect family with perfect kids, the parent lashes out violently or rejects the child, making him or her the scapegoat.

A narcissistic man is also a master of impression management, so he easily charms anyone he meets. That is why his victims often fear that no one will believe them if they ever tell about the abuse.

9. Monopolizes the conversation

An easily observable narcissistic behavior in men is the tendency to dominate the conversation.

For example, speaking without giving other people a chance to speak, interrupting often, talking about themselves excessively, goofing off or being provocative to attract attention, etc.

This behavior is often accompanied by an inability to listen or losing interest when someone else is speaking.

10. Spends a lot of time self-grooming

Like the proverbial Narcissus, narcissistic men are in love with their reflection, so they spend a lot of time on their appearance.

They can be obsessed with exercising, have elaborate skincare routines, or even indulge in plastic surgery.

Because of all their efforts, they are often attractive men with good physiques, although it is not always the case.

11. Selfish lover

Narcissists are users, and they use sex, too. They use it as an extension of their ego, as a means of control, or even as a weapon.

They are likely to push for sex after a first date. To accomplish that, they will simulate incredible infatuation and desire (“love bombing”).

They prioritize their needs, and they only do what feels good to them. However, in a twist of Stockholm Syndrome, sex with a narcissist can feel amazing or even addictive.

12. Takes unnecessary risks

One of the most common traits in narcissistic men is their propensity to engage in self-destructive or high-risk behaviors.

Much research and real-life examples (Wall Street) prove that narcissists take more risks than others, although it’s not entirely clear why.

One reason could be that they overestimate their abilities to predict the outcome, and are too self-deluded to consider the consequences of losing.

13. Ignores boundaries

If you happen to be dating a narcissistic male, you’ll quickly find out that he doesn’t care much for boundaries.

He can be quite intrusive when he wants to get access to you. He may call or text repeatedly, ignore your requests for space, show up to your home or work unannounced, etc. (love-bombing). He will justify it with how strongly he feels about you.

All of this can be fairly harmless, albeit annoying. But the more committed you are to a relationship with a narcissist, the bolder he will be about violating your boundaries.

14. Isolates intimate partners

Another common narcissistic behavior in men is isolating their partner and trying to control who they can communicate with.

This isolating process can be really subtle in the beginning. But with time, it escalates to the point where you feel like a captive in your relationship.

This is a clear sign that you need to get out.

15. Holds grudges and retaliates viciously

It may seem that arrogance is the defining characteristic of a narcissistic man. But in fact, it’s the split between his projected, false self and his true, damaged, deeply fragile self.

Behind his superficial bravado, the narcissist feels worthless and is vulnerable to the slightest criticism or disapproval.

That’s why the second he feels under attack — whether it’s real or imagined — he hits back with vicious and unapologetic brutality. And he never forgives and forgets.

16. Has grandiose fantasies

Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love is one of the textbook criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

My narcissistic ex had a very active fantasy life where he envisioned himself as a famous movie star, adored by millions of screaming fans. He had the ambition to be an actor but his efforts in that direction were feeble and sporadic.

So if a guy in your life has grandiose fantasies but does little to make them a reality, he may be a narcissist who escapes into fantasy to satisfy his ego.

17. Lacks empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand, sense, and experience the feelings of another person.

A lack of empathy is another classic sign of narcissism.

A narcissistic male seems to ignore or misinterpret social cues about other people’s feelings. That’s why he is often unable to understand the true impact of his actions.

He easily disregards the needs and feelings of others. He also seems cold and detached when someone needs emotional support.

18. Brags and shows off

Bragging or exaggerating achievements is a typical example of narcissistic behavior. Again, this is more typical of men than women.

While there’s nothing wrong with displaying your success, narcissists relish every morsel of it as proof that they are better than others.

Usually, showing off is meant to impress others. But with narcissists, it serves a deeper purpose: to constantly remind the narcissist of their own greatness.

They will never miss a chance to name-drop or casually mention their latest acquisition.

19. Can go from 0 to 100

A narcissistic male is prone to anger. There is a name for it: narcissistic rage.

Usually, it happens when you do or say something that sets him off.

Whatever it is, it’s not something inherently malicious but the narcissist’s reaction will make you feel like you’ve done something terrible.

After the rage episode, he may act guilty and even offer apologies. But the damage is done.

Anger is his instrument of control. It creates fear and compliance. And it makes you feel like you have to be vigilant to prevent another fight.

20. Habitually lies

A narcissistic man lies for so many reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all.

Whether he makes false promises, covers up his transgressions, or embellishes his achievements, the “why” is not important. What’s interesting is the “how.”

A narcissistic man lies with no sense of discomfort, shame, or remorse. He lies convincingly and habitually. And, most strikingly, he believes his own lies.

The line between the lie and the truth is blurred in his mind. It’s not important. Lying is just a means to an end.

21. Can’t handle failure

Nobody likes losing but it happens. It’s a part of life.

But to a narcissistic man who’s always in pursuit of status and admiration, failure is a devastating ego blow that can trigger his narcissistic injury.

Narcissists hate losing. That’s why they will do anything to win. They will lie, cheat, betray, manipulate — all in the name of winning.

And if they do lose, they have elaborate ways to rationalize it.

For example, if they were playing a party game and lost, they’ll get angry and announce that the game was rigged, the rules are wrong, it’s stupid, they lost on purpose, etc.

22. Easily takes offense or sees malice in others’ actions

Narcissists tend to be in denial of their own mistakes and shortcomings. At the same time, they have deep shame at the center of their being.

So they can be very sensitive towards criticism in their direction.

It’s especially true if the criticism is expressed in public. Seeing the critique as an attempt to humiliate them, they can respond in a ruthless and personal manner.

Overall, narcissistic men tend to be quite paranoid and find malice even in most innocent encounters.

Final Thoughts on Narcissistic Behavior in Men

Even though both genders can display narcissism, narcissistic behavior in men is more common because society tolerates, encourages, and rewards it.

We see it everywhere around us — politics, entertainment, media… And yet, sometimes we miss the obvious signs of narcissism when it comes to the men who are close to us.

Whether it’s family, work, or intimate relationships, people with narcissistic traits are notoriously difficult to deal with. And the basic advice you often hear is: go no contact. Cut them loose and don’t let them back into your life under any circumstances.

The reality, however, is more nuanced than that.

What also complicates the situation is that on the surface, he’s such a great guy! Everyone likes him.

But you know better. You’ve seen a side of him that few people have seen.

So now it is time to reflect on your situation with utmost honesty and decide what you want to do next.

NEXT

A Child Custody Battle With a Narcissist: Best Strategies That Win Cases

10 Grave Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact with a Narcissist

7 Spiritual Lessons a Narcissist Can Teach You

References

Kowalchyk, M., Palmieri, H., Conte, E., & Wallisch, P. (2021). Narcissism through the lens of performative self-elevation. Personality and Individual Differences, 177. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2021.110780

Mosquera, D. & and Gonzalez, A. (2011). Narcissism as a consequence of trauma and early experiences. European Journal of Trauma and Dissociation Newsletter, 1(4).