10 Deceptive Masks Narcissists Wear

Narcissists wear many masks. They are true chameleons who change their colors to fit the environment and get their needs met.

So let’s look at some of the narcissist’s favorite disguises, and how to see through them.

Dedicated Parent
Lovesick Romeo
Poor Victim
Charismatic Leader
Generous Philanthropist
Heroic Martyr
Everything Expert
Loyal Friend
Highbrow Intellectual
Friendly Coworker

1. Dedicated Parent

Despite the horrendous abuse narcissists subject their kids to, they believe themselves to be excellent parents.

Narcissistic mothers in particular often create a dedicated, loving mother persona who will do anything for her kids. This persona is carefully maintained and displayed publicly — after all, the only thing that matters is the public perception of the narcissist.

A narcissistic mother will also brainwash her children to believe that image — through guilt tripping, shaming, and other manipulative tactics.

The only time this mask slips off is when the narcissist is at home, in her intimate family circle. These are the only people who know the narcissistic parent‘s true face. But they’ll never tell unless they want to endure her wrath (a.k.a. narcissistic rage).

How do you know if your parent is a mask-wearing narcissist? The first clue is that they violate your boundaries.

2. Lovesick Romeo

You might have met him on an online dating app, at work, or by chance.

But no matter how he walked into your life, a romantic relationship with a narcissist will start out the same way: mad infatuation, accelerated pace of the relationship, big gestures, early love proclamations, thunder and lightning, a feeling that “it’s meant to be…”

This is what’s referred to as “love bombing” — or the narcissist’s attempt to sweep you off your feet and get you “hooked.” Once you’re hooked, the narcissist can start tightening his/her grip until they feel that they have full control.

The reason why the narcissist is so convincing as a lovesick Romeo is because they believe their own performance. They’re fooled by their own act and most of their targets will be fooled, too.

So how do you spot this fake Casanova? By recognizing the dating games all narcissists play.

3. Poor Victim

The poor victim is the covert narcissist‘s favorite mask.

A covert or vulnerable narcissist is exactly what it sounds like: it’s a narcissist in disguise. Unlike their grandiose counterpart, vulnerable narcissist presents a shy, wounded, humble, or even insecure façade.

But underneath it, they’re still profoundly self-centered, callous, and entitled to special treatment.

To get the attention and special privileges they feel they deserve, covert narcissists in “victim” masks habitually play the “poor me” card.

They pretend to be the victim of circumstances or other people’s evil plots so they never have to take any accountability for their actions.

That’s their biggest giveaway — it’s never their fault.

Want to know more? Educate yourself here: How to Deal With Someone Who’s Always Playing the Victim

4. Charismatic Leader

Many people are under the incorrect impression that narcissists make great leaders.

It’s true that narcissistic traits (such as arrogance, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy) can push the narcissist toward success. But research shows that can only take you so far.

Good leaders possess self-awareness, a drive to improve other people’s lives, and the wisdom to learn from their mistakes.

Narcissists catastrophically lack in those areas. They tend to overestimate their abilities and are usually disliked by their coworkers.

Still, they can be convincing in their mask of a fearless leader. Some can even become Presidents.

5. Generous Philanthropist

Generosity is an antithesis of narcissism.

Narcissists are by definition selfish takers who use other people for their purposes.

That’s why this mask is particularly absurd, yet it is a very common mask that narcissists wear.

Why? Because it helps them achieve their biggest need: admiration and recognition.

Plus, it’s a perfect cover. How can someone be accused of being a narcissist when they donate millions to charity, feed the homeless on Thanksgiving, mentor underprivileged kids, or volunteer at their church?

A special subtype of narcissists who wear the “generous philanthropist” mask is the so-called “spiritual narcissist,” or those who use religion or spirituality to disguise their true face.

6. Heroic Martyr

Just like the “poor victim,” a narcissist wearing a “heroic martyr” mask is seeking support and admiration from others.

However, there’s an important difference between the two. When someone is playing the victim, they feel victimized by their life circumstances. They insist that bad things happen to them, and that they’re helpless in the face of insurmountable, cruel odds.

Playing the martyr, or “martyr complex,” is when a person has an exaggerated sense of obligation to suffer or sacrifice for others to elicit sympathy, gain control, and feel superior.

A narcissist wearing a martyr mask will often seek out difficult or even painful circumstances just to demonstrate how noble and selfless they are. A martyr mask also inoculates a narcissist from being accountable for their actions.

For example, if you confront your narcissistic parent with a martyr complex about their abusive behaviors, they’ll say: “So you think I’m a bad mother? How dare you. I’ve sacrificed everything for you.”

How do you recognize this type of person? Listen to what they say. Are they in the habit of bragging about their good deeds and sacrifices? Do they speak of themselves as if they were a child of Mother Theresa and Gandhi?

Then that martyrdom is just a mask.

Narcissists wear many masks. So let's look at some of the most common disguises these chameleons use, and how you can spot them.

7. Everything Expert

As previously mentioned, narcissists seriously overestimate their abilities and talents. That also goes for their level of expertise.

A narcissist wearing the “everything expert” mask is one of the most annoying human beings on the planet because they think they have boundless knowledge of just about anything under the sun.

They’re also skilled at making it seem as though they know more than they do. To strengthen that impression, they like to use “big words” they don’t understand, just to seem smarter.

Being perceived as an expert is important to a narcissist because it’s a source of narcissistic supply. They like to hear themselves talk and derive enormous satisfaction from other people listening to their opinion or advice.

So don’t be impressed by the narcissist’s “expertise.” At the end of the day, their knowledge is just as superficial as they are.

8. Loyal Friend

When we think about narcissistic abuse, we tend to put it in a context of a romantic or a familial relationship. But abusive friendships are also very common, and very impactful.

A narcissist wearing a “loyal friend” mask can do a lot of damage precisely because they pretend to be your friend, so you don’t see it coming.

They can appear very caring and protective, making you feel like your relationship is special. It will remain this way until you’re “playing by their rules,” i.e., making them feel superior or letting them use you.

But the moment you attempt to assert yourself or set some boundaries, they’ll turn on you with shocking viciousness. They’ll start a smear campaign, subject you to silent treatment, guilt-tripping, and other forms of emotional abuse.

With a friend like this, who needs enemies?

Nothing is too low for a narcissist. This is when you’ll realize that “loyal friend” was just a mask.

9. Highbrow Intellectual

A narcissist who’s wearing a “highbrow intellectual” mask is very pretentious and condescending. You’ll often find them in the world of academia or among the upper-class circles.

They speak with contempt of things they consider to be “common” or “lowly.”

“TV? Oh no, I don’t watch TV. I like theater.”

“Whoever invented ketchup should be shot.”

“Hemingway is an overrated hack. If you want to read about real human suffering, read Solzhenitsyn.”

As you can tell, narcissists of this type are super into obscure literature, films, and music. They believe that their exquisite tastes and high intellect put them above the ignorant masses.

So they definitely fit the basic criteria for narcissism — a sense of superiority and an inflated ego.

Another term for a narcissist of this type is a cerebral narcissist: someone who flaunts their intelligence to gain admiration, status, and power.

They don’t just argue — they dominate a conversation, throwing their intellectual weight around. In doing so, they will often try to humiliate their opponent by making him/her seem stupid or uninformed.

However, their “intellectualism” is just a mask because they don’t really care about the things they talk so passionately about. The only thing that matters to them is stroking their own ego.

10. Friendly Coworker

A narcissist wearing a “friendly coworker” mask isn’t always easy to spot, especially if you’ve just started a new job. They may seem extra warm and welcoming, showing you the ropes and giving you “the inside scoop.”

But soon you’ll learn that this is their way of sizing you up so they can figure out who you are and how they can use you. Because at heart, narcissists are extremely self-serving and everything they do has an ulterior motive.

For example, that “friendly coworker” may only seek your company to spread gossip and “trash talk.” If you’re not participating or quietly encouraging it, all of a sudden they have “a lot of work to do.”

Or you may notice that they have a tendency to take credit for your (or other people’s) work. As long as you’re allowing it, they’re your “work buddy.” But if you call them out on it or complain to HR, their demeanor will change completely.

Now they’ll start spreading rumors about you. They’ll try to incite others against you, create a hostile work environment, or even harass you.

That goes to show you that narcissists are terrible coworkers. And even if they put on a “friendly colleague” mask, know that behind it hides a self-serving manipulator who’ll do anything to get ahead.

Final Thoughts of Narcissists and the Masks They Wear

Narcissists wear many masks. A caring parent, a selfless humanitarian, a god-fearing saint, a helpless victim, a loving spouse, the world’s greatest friend…But the one mask they can’t pull off is that of a decent human being.

If you suspect that someone in your environment is a mask-wearing narcissist, try to stay away from them as much as you can. Being exposed and seen for who they really are can drive narcissists insane. And they will go to extreme lengths to prevent it from happening.

But it can be very empowering for you. Seeing through their smoke and mirrors is a sign that you’re wise enough to identify toxic behavior and to distance yourself from it.

However, what do you do when distance isn’t possible? Then you could use these 4 Clever Mind Hacks For Dealing With Toxic People.

What other masks do narcissists wear? Can you think of the ones I missed?