How can you tell if your boss is a narcissist?

You probably already know that a typical narcissist is someone with a gigantic self-inflated ego who doesn’t care about anyone else.

But what if the person you are working for is one of these insufferable egotists with delusions of grandeur?

Spotting a narcissistic employer can be more difficult than you think. They like to hide behind their accomplishments and flashy status symbols.

So you may feel impressed or intimidated by your boss, and not see them for what they really are. Or you may attribute some of their problematic traits to the stresses of leadership.

Recognizing the telltale signs of a narcissistic boss can help you know who you’re dealing with and what to expect. It can also help you create an emotional distance from your boss’s abusive and selfish behaviors.

Here are a few things you should look out for.

1. Your boss is unable to take criticism

Narcissistic bosses are unable to accept any critical comments in their direction, even constructive criticism.

Granted, everyone is averse to criticism to some degree. But narcissists believe themselves to be perfect. So criticism can throw them off balance and even trigger narcissistic injury.

If your boss is a narcissist, they love to dish it out but can’t take it.

They constantly criticize others with a condescending tone (think: Miranda Priestly in “The Devil Wears Prada”).

But the moment someone brings up a mistake they’ve made or an oversight, they can react with disbelief, denial, projection, and even rage.

Remember: criticism is one of the things that drive a narcissist insane. So the moment you point out their weakness, you’ll be on their “black list,” and they won’t rest until they retaliate.

2. Your boss loves to put you down

As stated earlier, a narcissist only cares for numero uno.

And since behind that arrogant exterior hides a fragile ego that constantly needs bolstering, narcissists take pleasure in belittling other people. That allows them to feel superior and reassured of their worth.

So narcissistic bosses have a knack for insulting, belittling, or demeaning their subordinates.

While in some toxic workplaces gossip and trash talk are common, a narcissistic boss will exacerbate the problem by setting the tone for how to treat colleagues and employees.

3. Your boss takes everything very personally

Did you forget to bring a notebook to a meeting? Clearly, that means you don’t think whatever your boss has to say is important.

Are you unable to make it to a company dinner? Obviously, you don’t care about your job so maybe it’s not the right place for you.

Do you have to take a leave of absence because your child is sick? You’re disloyal and unreliable. How dare you prioritize your child’s wellbeing over your work commitments?

Like any self-absorbed narcissist, a narcissistic boss believes that the world revolves around them. So anything that goes wrong is taken as a personal slight against him/her.

4. Your boss has no empathy towards you

A lack of empathy is a classic sign of narcissism.

Does your boss not think twice about demanding you work overtime and through lunch?

Would your boss scorn you for missing work to witness the birth of your child?

Does he or she call or message you constantly when you’re off the clock?

Those rude and insensitive behaviors all point to a narcissistic boss. Remember: it’s OK to have boundaries when it comes to your job. It’s OK to turn your phone off and enjoy time with the family. It’s OK to have a life-work balance.

Any boss that doesn’t see you as a human being that has a life outside work is a terrible boss, and possibly, a narcissist.

They won’t see it that way though. Narcissists are mostly blind to the negative impact of their actions. So it’s up to you to set the record straight.

5. Your boss thinks of you as disposable

Some employers care for their employees. They give generous benefits such as vacation days, company lunches, paid maternity leave, daycare, and other perks.

But when your boss is a narcissist, he or she sees their employees as nothing more than cogs in a machine.

Like a ruthless dictator who persecutes and murders millions of his own people, a narcissistic employer will fire hundreds or even thousands of their workers without batting an eye.

All they care about is the financial “bottom line.” They don’t care about how their workers feel. They just want them to do their job. And once they’re old and rusty, replace them.

6. Your boss takes credit for your work

The movie “Working Girl” has a perfect illustration of how a narcissistic boss shamelessly takes credit for her subordinate’s work.

In one of the first scenes, secretary Tess McGill comes to her boss with an interesting, out-of-the-box idea.

The boss (Sigourney Weaver’s character Katharine Parker) rejects it but encourages Tess to bring her any other ideas she might have. She even acts as a caring mentor toward a promising protege.

The secretary then accidentally learns that her boss stole her idea, and is planning to pass it off as her own at an upcoming client meeting.

What’s interesting about this scenario is that narcissistic Katharine feels entitled to her secretary’s idea, and has no remorse when she’s exposed for stealing it. At first, she tries to use her charm to get out of it. When it’s not working, she feigns indignation at how she’s treated and leaves.

This behavior is very telling. A narcissistic boss truly doesn’t see anything wrong with taking credit for their subordinates’ work. In fact, they feel that everything their employee does belongs to them.

They can’t share even a little bit of spotlight with anyone else, especially with those they see as their inferiors.

7. Your boss uses fear to control you

Many of history’s most infamous leaders ruled with an iron fist and used fear to control the population. Unfortunately, narcissistic bosses act in a similar way.

If your boss is a narcissist, he or she might

• threaten you with termination if you don’t do everything according to their will
• have temper tantrums so you feel like you have to walk on eggshells
• publically shame you in front of your co-workers for making a simple mistake
• go to great lengths to destroy your career if they feel slighted by you
• have unreasonably strict rules like no talking with other employees, eating lunch at your desk, etc.
• spy on their employees to try to catch them doing something wrong

8. Your boss always interrupts you

Like any narcissist, a narcissistic boss thinks that only what they have to say matters.

Talking to them is pretty frustrating because you can’t finish your thoughts or even get a word in. The boss completely takes over the conversation or a meeting and bulldozers over anyone who tries to chime in with their input. As a result, you feel belittled and disrespected, and your career prospects look grim.

Interrupting can be habitual behavior for some high-strung people that have a quick mind and little patience for those who aren’t at their speed.

But with narcissists, interrupting others is a way to show superiority, and is almost always reserved only for their subordinates.

9. Your boss likes to show off

Showing off is a common narcissistic behavior, especially in men.

If your boss is a narcissist, his or her office will look like a shrine to their achievements. There will be diplomas all over the walls, various awards, and photographs with important people.

While there’s nothing wrong with displaying your success, displaying too much may be a sign of a deep insecurity.

And since narcissists often feel worthless inside, showing off for them means more than being proud of their achievements. It’s a way to feel superior and to constantly remind others of their greatness.

They will never miss a chance to name-drop or casually mention their luxurious vacation in the Maldives. They will brag about their children’s private schools and complain about how expensive yacht maintenance is. Simply put, they have to be the star of the office.

While narcissistic bosses enjoy flaunting their accomplishments, they won’t be able to embrace the success of their subordinates.

10. Your boss micromanages you

If your boss micromanages you to the point of suffocating your initiative and creativity, he or she might be a narcissist.

Micromanaging is the tendency to control every part, however small, of the work task.

Your narcissistic boss might be breathing down your neck every time you do a project, or asking you inane questions like: “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

Because narcissists feel the inner tension between their projected superiority and innate inferiority, they are extraordinarily concerned with how others perceive them.

So a narcissistic boss will put a lot of pressure on his or her employees just to make sure that he or she looks good in front of their superiors.

This kind of control is typical of narcissists. They are the same way in relationships.

A narcissistic mother sees her children as extensions of herself, so everything they do reflects on her. Similarly, a narcissistic boss will see his or her employees not as individuals but as worker bees who need constant supervision in order to meet the narcissist’s unrealistic standards.

Why Narcissistic Bosses Are Terrible Leaders

If your boss shows most of these signs, there is a good chance that he or she might be a narcissist.

But isn’t it a good thing?

It’s a common belief that narcissism is a valuable asset when it comes to success and strong leadership. We’ve all heard about narcissistic CEOs and other rich and famous people with narcissistic personalities.

However, the opposite is true: narcissists make terrible bosses.

According to research, only 5% of CEOs are narcissistic. The majority of successful CEOs (60%) are actually characterized by humility.

Studies show that leaders with narcissistic traits create or contribute to a toxic work environment, and their decisions are often ineffectual. That’s because narcissists have a hard time incorporating negative feedback and learning from their mistakes.

Not only that, narcissists create a toxic work environment that breeds gossip, animosity, competitiveness, resentment, and high turnover.

Of course, not everyone with a difficult personality can be categorized into neat little boxes.

Each person is different, but one thing remains constant: working for a narcissistic boss is miserable.

With a leader like that, people are more likely to procrastinate, underperform, and leave the company.

On the other hand, employees who love where they work are more productive and experience higher levels of happiness even outside of work.

That is to say, how you feel at work matters. You are meant to love your job and feel valued and respected at work.

What to Do If Your Boss Is a Narcissist

If your boss is a malignant narcissist who makes your job unbearable, perhaps it’s time for a change.

Start making contacts with other people in your field and the right opportunity will come around eventually.

In the meantime, keep your head down and try to stay on your boss’s good side. Remember: confronting a narcissist never works. Don’t burn that bridge until you’re ready to turn in your resignation letter.

Most importantly, don’t take anything your boss says to heart. Narcissists thrive on demolishing other people’s sense of self-worth because they don’t have any of their own. Be mindful of that and keep an emotional distance from your narcissistic boss.

Being devalued, belittled, or overlooked for promotions can take a toll on your self-esteem. But remember that it has little to do with your abilities or performance and everything to do with your boss’s personality.

Believe in yourself and know that you deserve to feel excited when you wake up in the morning and start getting ready for work. You deserve to be respected and recognized. And you deserve to have a life-work balance.

As difficult as it is to imagine now, one day your narcissistic boss will be out of your life. But you may have some other toxic person to deal with — a difficult colleague, perhaps, or someone in your own family.

Learning how to be around them without being affected by them is a skill that can save you heartache and make you stronger and wiser.

So don’t be afraid of toxic people. Learn from them and observe them, but never let them get inside your head or your heart.

NEXT

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