Do you have a toxic person in your life? Nearly all of us do.

The term “toxic” refers to a particularly thorny individual that schemes, manipulates, and verbally assaults to maintain control and a sense of self-importance.

It can be just about anyone: your partner, your boss, your friend, your mother-in-law…

And what they do best is make you believe that you have to bend over backward to please them.

When you’re around them, you’re not fully yourself because you feel like “yourself” is not good enough. Little by little, they chip away at your confidence, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t measure up.

A more technical term for it is “emotional abuse.”

Emotional abuse cripples you. It makes you feel small. And before you know it, you lose your personal power – that dazzling thing that makes you feel strong, confident, unique, and loved.

If so, you might feel like this from time to time:

• I have no choice.
• There’s nothing I can do.
• I just want to give up.

Don’t give up just yet. Here are 10 steps to taking your power back from a toxic person.

1. Build your confidence

What does confidence have to do with it?

I’m glad you asked. A strong confident woman doesn’t need anyone’s approval. She knows who she is and if you don’t like it, your loss.

A toxic person has power over you because they exploit your insecurities. Plain and simple. It’s the insecurity that causes an emotional reaction, a.k.a. “hurt feelings.”

So taking your power back means WORKING ON YOUR CONFIDENCE!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

— Eleanor Roosevelt

2. Adjust your focus

You give power to what you focus on.

So stop dumping all your precious energy into that toxic cesspool and direct it towards your creative pursuits, professional achievements, or anything else that would make you feel good.

Quite simply, the more you focus on them and all the negative things they do, the less space you have in your life for the positive.

For surprising ways to emotionally disengage from toxic people, read 4 Clever Mind Hacks For Dealing With Toxic People

3. Stop complaining

Complaining is a two-edged sword. It can be useful for venting your frustrations and getting sympathy. But at the end of the day, it’s just another way to squander your energy and give your power away.

When you complain, you feel both innocent and victimized. And when you assume a position of a victim, you start believing that you have no power in the matter and that you’re not responsible for anything.

In other words, when you complain, you reinforce a sense of powerlessness and feed the victim mentality.

4. Accept responsibility for how you feel

Even if you think that you’re right to feel a certain way, recognize that on some level you choose to feel this way.

That decision happens very quickly, on a subconscious level, and it’s a habitual response. So making a different choice can be life-changing and yes, super empowering.

5. Identify your triggers

When you identify your triggers, they become much more manageable.

So what triggers you? Perhaps, it’s when someone is critical of you. Or when they’re ignoring you. Or when they’re trying to control you.

Then ask yourself: why am I triggered by that? What past experience is the blueprint of that trigger?

Be as honest as possible, and with time you will be able to “disarm” your triggers.

6. Watch your language

WORDS MATTER. What you choose to say and how you choose to say it shapes your reality on a powerful subconscious level.

So stop using disempowering language!

Saying things like “He makes me feel bad about myself” or “She forces me to be rude to her” absolves you of any blame, but it also strips away your power.

And while you’re at it, get rid of those “I don’t know,” “I’m not sure,” “I will try.”

Use clear direct language that communicates confidence and intent!

7. Let bygones be bygones

Holding a grudge is a sure way to continue feeding into the victim consciousness. It adds zero value to your life while robbing you of peace and joy!

So here’s how to let go of past hurts: express your feelings FULLY. Don’t hold back – talk, cry, write in a journal, beat up a pillow – whatever works for you. Let it OUT.

Then let it GO, once and for all.

8. Establish boundaries

When establishing your boundaries it’s important to pick your battles.

Figure out what you can live with, and what you can’t and won’t accept ever. Then let a toxic person know, firmly and respectfully, that it bothers you and you’d like them to do [this] instead.

For example: “We love when you visit but we’d really appreciate it if you let us know you wanted to come over, just to make sure we’re home and ready for company.”

• Related: 10 Boundaries You Need to Set With Your Toxic Parent

9. Find your power

This is your journey. So, find out what empowers you.

If it’s saying nothing and walking away, do it.

If it’s speaking your truth, no matter how it lands, do it.

Creating physical distance and literally removing yourself from a toxic environment can be empowering, too.

Or you could write about it. That’s what I’m doing, and it’s been tremendously empowering.

• Related: How to Start an Emotional Abuse Recovery Blog

10. Make a clear commitment to change

Giving our power away is something we do subconsciously. We do it when we give someone (or something) control over our lives, our choices, our mood, our confidence.

But we have to consciously choose to take it back.

It’s always scary to make a change, and part of us resists it. But without that courage, we’d spend all our lives in misery and despair.

So no hesitation. No ifs or buts. Just say it out loud:

I’m taking my power back, and I am not giving it away to anyone ever again.

What happens when you take your power back from a toxic person?

What happens when you get off the merry-go-round and reclaim your power?

Your life becomes yours to enjoy again.

The flowers bloom with dewy sweetness. The birds sing the songs of love. Even that creepy neighbor who steals your Amazon packages looks dear and only slightly psychotic.

Yes, it will rattle their cage.

Yes, they will try harder.

You just smile and nod. Smile and nod.

And FYI, I am not saying that you don’t have the right to feel the way you feel.

But it’s possible that at some point you became so immersed in the drama, you’re no longer thinking clearly.

If you keep obsessing about your toxic person even when they’re not around, simmering with rage or re-living their hurtful words over and over, they’ve got you right where they want you: powerless.

You need to take a giant step back.

Breathe.

Do something you enjoy – even something small like splurging on a mani-pedi, going to a movie, or having a heart-to-heart with your bestie.

Toxic people are everywhere. Even if yours wasn’t in your life, there’d be another one.

So you might as well find a way to – not accept their behavior – but find balance and strength even in the midst of the chaos toxic people create.

NEXT

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