One thing you need to know about toxic people is: they thrive amid ignorance. The more clueless you are, the more power they have over you. So here are 7 of the most insightful books on toxic people, and the best ways of dealing with them.

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Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power by Terri Apter

Terri Apter’s book is specific to difficult mothers. So if you’ve got one, you won’t find another book as intelligent and insightful as this one.

It describes different kinds of difficult mothers, but not in a mother-bashing way. Her style is kind, empathetic, and authentic.

A narcissist seems assured of her worth, but in reality she feels on the edge of collapse. This makes her relationships fragile. Children of a narcissistic parent often feel that the entire relationship can break apart at any minute. They may constantly be on guard lest they inadvertently offend her. A child’s routine challenges and criticisms — particularly in the teen years — present inordinate threats to a narcissistic mother, who is likely to respond with pain and fury: her child does not show her proper love and respect; her child is not worthy of her love.”

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward

I love this book! It’s a classic that tells you everything you need to know about surviving toxic parents.

And it’s written in simple, clear language, unlike so many other books on psychology that are impossible to get through without a bottle of vodka and a master’s degree!

Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.”

Here’s how you can tell if you need to read this book.

• Your parents still treat you as if you were a child.
• You have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents.
• Your parents control you with threats, guilt, or money.
• You feel that no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for your parents.

Toxic People: 10 Ways Of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable by Lillian Glass

Dr. Glass actually coined the phrase “toxic people” so she is sort of the originator of the whole concept. She’s having fun with it, too!

She names around 30 toxic types, like “The Opportunistic User,” ” The Control Freak, “ “The Me Myself and I Narcissist,” “The Meddler,” and “The Wishy Washy Wimp” to name a few.

While her classifications are hardly scientific, you’ll be entertained trying to identify the toxic person in your life, and to match their type to one of the techniques she offers, like Humor, Direct Confront, Love and Kindness, Vicarious Fantasy, etc.

A bit outdated (watch out for Bill Cosby quotes!) but worth checking out.

The Wishy-Washy Wimp is so paralyzed by fear and anxiety that he or she cannot make a move if there is pressure to perform. Even an action to save another person’s life might be avoided.”

Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry by Al Bernstein

This book is scary! It’ll make you feel like the emotional vampires are everywhere! And in a sense, they are.

Anywhere you go, you’ll find people who fit a profile of an emotional vampire, and this book zooms in on those bloodsuckers.

It focuses on 5 personality disorders — antisocial, histrionic, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, and paranoid — that are most common, and most troublesome for the people around them.

Although, as the author explains, the emotional vampires in your life are probably not disturbed enough to have a psychiatric diagnosis.

But the ways they think and act are still pathological. This book will help you understand each type, identify their emotionally abusive behaviors, and have a strategy for dealing with them.

Emotional vampires see the world differently than other people do. Their perceptions are distorted by their cravings for immature and unattainable goals. They want everyone’s complete and exclusive attention. They expect perfect love that gives but never demands anything in return. They want lives filled with fun and excitement, and to have someone else to take care of anything that’s boring or difficult. Vampires look like adults on the outside, but on the inside they’re still babies.”

In Sheep’s Clothing by George K. Simon

Narcissistic, difficult, abusive, manipulative… These are just a few adjectives that describe toxic people. The author of this book adds another color to the toxic rainbow: “covertly aggressive.”

He says that this type of personality is the proverbial “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” and they use a select number of tricks to take advantage of other people.

The book goes into detail about all the manipulative maneuvers covertly aggressive people use, but also addresses the uncomfortable question — what aspects of your character make you vulnerable to a manipulator?

Persons in abusive relationships with covert-aggressives are often initially seduced by their smooth-talking, outwardly charming ways. By the time they realize their partner’s true character, they’ve usually put a significant emotional investment into trying to make the relationship work. This makes it very hard to simply walk away.”

The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist by Debbie Mirza

The topic of this book is similar to “In Sheep’s Clothing,” but it’s more comprehensive, in my opinion, and easier to read.

Plus, it’s written from a female perspective and you can tell that the author is really passionate about helping others unveil the covert narcissists in their lives.

It covers everything about the covert narcissist, and I do mean EVERYTHING. There’s a chapter on what sex with a covert narcissist is like. So if you’re really confused…that’s one way to find out!

But jokes aside, this book is a godsend if you’re in a toxic relationship with someone who’s controlling and manipulative.

That’s the dangerous thing about covert narcissists: they’re so clandestine.

The regular kind is fairly easy to spot: they’re arrogant, selfish, ruthless egomaniacs.

But the covert kind usually slips under the radar, making you feel crazy, guilty, and confused. The abuse can go on for years or even decades.

If you’re ready to finally see the truth, pick up this book.

Covert narcissists are well-liked. They are charming and kind. They appear humble and empathetic. They can be good listeners and appear to really care. You can feel incredibly loved by them. Yet they simultaneously make you feel terrible about yourself. They use covert tactics that you don’t see for years. It is common for people to be in romantic relationships with covert narcissists for 10, 20, 30, 40+ years, not recognizing the abuse they have endured for decades.”

Toughest People to Love by Chuck DeGroat

If you are a devout Christian who strives to see the best in people, this book is for you.

Written by a former pastor and a therapist, it takes a compassionate stance that says: difficult people need love too, and at one point in our lives, we’ve all been difficult.

Scripture gives us a category for difficult people: fools. The fool is so hidden in his sinful self-protective strategies that he lives disconnected from intimate and vulnerable relationship with God and others. He may look religious. He may raise his hands in worship. But like the hypocrite, his heart is far from God. So who of us isn’t a fool?”

NEXT

Why You Attract Toxic People (8 Reasons That Will Surprise You)

4 Clever Mind Hacks For Dealing With Toxic People

7 Proven Ways to RESPOND Not REACT to a Toxic Person