Guilt. Is there a more soul-crushing feeling? Yet, as bad as it is, you may not always recognize the signs of guilt and the detrimental effect it has on your life.

Think about a time in the past when you felt guilty. Was that a fleeting feeling or did you spend days, weeks, or months ruminating on what you’ve done?

Chances are, you’ve spent a lot of time feeling guilty. So much so that at some point, guilt became your constant quiet companion. You don’t even notice that it’s there anymore.

That’s the danger zone. When guilt becomes habitual or repressed, it takes a hold of your heart and mind. It controls you in ways you can’t see or predict.

Why is guilt so powerful? To understand and demystify its power, let’s look at the definition of guilt.

What is Guilt?

Guilt is an intense feeling of distress regarding one’s actions, words, thoughts, or feelings.

Guilt can occur regardless of whether the transgression is real or self-perceived. In fact, more often than not, the wrongdoing is self-perceived.

In other words, you haven’t done anything wrong. But you still feel guilty.

For example, if you’ve been in an accident or survived an attack, you’re likely to feel guilty for being “careless” and bringing misfortune on yourself.

This is one example of irrational guilt when you take on the blame for someone else hurting you, or for the events you couldn’t predict or control.

What is the Purpose of Guilt?

At one time or another, we’ve all experienced guilt and know that it’s not a particularly pleasant emotion.

However, guilt has a purpose. It’s meant to be a compass that tells you when you’ve done something wrong. In that sense, there is such a thing as “good guilt.”

In fact, some researchers argue that despite the unpleasantness, guilt serves an important function in society.

It’s an adaptive trait associated with positive interpersonal and prosocial qualities.

Excessive or repressed guilt, on the other hand, is harmful and maladaptive.

The Origins of Guilt

Guilt is different from a simple awareness of having made a mistake.

You can realize that you’ve made a mistake and even regret it, but not feel guilty about it.

So if it’s not the action itself, what causes guilt?

Guilt is a result of a negative evaluation that is anchored in one’s deep-seated beliefs.

These beliefs can be rational or irrational, conscious or subconscious, personal or imposed by family, culture, religion, etc.

To put it plainly, guilt is a perceived failure to live up to personal or societal standards and expectations.

For example, you may not think that sex before marriage is a sin. But you will still feel guilty engaging in premarital sex since it goes against your upbringing.

In that sense, your guilt is more about letting someone down than the act itself.

So guilt is not necessarily your “conscience” speaking to you. It may be just your parent’s voice embedded in your subconscious mind.

Related: How to Deal With a Difficult Parent: 7 Strategies to Keep Your Sanity

Guilt Vs. Shame

Whereas guilt is a reaction to one’s behavior (I did a bad thing), shame is distress about one’s personal qualities (I am bad).

However, feelings are usually more complex than their definitions. Happiness can be mixed with sadness, excitement — with fear, grief — with anger, etc.

Similarly, guilt and shame often coexist and intensify one another.

Both of these emotions are toxic in that they have a poisonous, festering effect. But guilt is a little easier to deal with.

When you feel guilty, you’re motivated to make amends or correct your behavior. When you feel ashamed, you’re likely to shut down or withdraw from the situation completely.

Where Do You Feel Guilt in the Body?

The idea that our emotions are felt and stored in the body may sound weird or “new agey” but scientific studies confirm that the body-mind connection is real.

Researchers have found that the emotion of guilt is anchored primarily in the heart, followed by the head and stomach.

Bodily sensations associated with guilt are a feeling of heaviness, like when you’re carrying a burden or a big solid mass within the body that’s weighing you down. Not unlike a tumor.

Now that we have a better idea of what guilt is, let’s look at the most glaring and damaging signs that you are suffering from insidious repressed guilt.

Physical Signs of Guilt

Guilt manifests on multiple levels.

On a physical level, you may be experiencing

• Insomnia or other sleep disturbances
• Indigestion and other stomach problems
• Fatigue and lethargy
• Muscle tension or pains
• A sensation of heaviness in the body, like you’re carrying a burden

Psychological Signs of Guilt

On a mental or psychological level, you’re likely to suffer from

• Anxiety
• Recurring obsessive thoughts
• Sadness
• Anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure or joy)
• Low self-esteem
• Indecisiveness for fear of making a mistake
• Neglecting your needs or depriving yourself of pleasures (self-punishing behaviors)
• Emotional numbness
• Feeling undeserving and rotten
• Self-sabotage (you come close to success but always fall short just before you make it)

Spiritual Signs of Guilt

On a spiritual level, guilt can manifest as

• An inability to connect with the Source
• Feeling lost and forsaken
• Projecting your guilt unto God (“God is mad at me,” “God is punishing me”)
• Feeling disconnected from your purpose

5 Ways to Deal With Guilt

“Guilt is a totally useless emotion. It never makes anyone feel better, nor does it change a situation”. — Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

You are not alone in feeling guilty. But it doesn’t mean that guilt is normal or harmless. In fact, as we’ve discussed earlier, guilt has many damaging manifestations that can seriously affect your health and quality of life.

So what can you do to rid yourself of this heavy (literally) feeling?

1. Make a Clear Decision

The number one thing you can do to let go of guilt is to decide to let go of guilt. This may sound obvious but hear me out.

Many people say they don’t want to feel guilty anymore but hold on to guilt on a subconscious level. Perhaps, it’s so familiar, it’s almost comforting. Or you believe you deserve the guilt so you’re punishing yourself with it.

Whatever your circumstances, confront your reasons why you’re holding on to guilt and make a clear decision to release it.

Affirmations can help you with that.

2. Affirmations to Let Go of Guilt

Affirmations are a great tool for working with any repressed or harmful emotions, not just guilt.

It helps you crystallize your intent and direct the guilt energy out of your body.

Repeat these affirmations in the morning before you start your day or every time you feel the guilt resurface.

• I release all my conscious or unconscious guilt
• I release all the emotional hardships and traumas which resulted in this guilt
• Today I give myself the gift of freedom
• Today I let go of the past
• I am ready to be healed
• I forgive myself completely for all the intentional and unintentional harm I caused
• It’s OK to make a mistake — it’s all part of the learning process
• My past has shaped me to be who I am today
• The guilt served its purpose and now I’m ready to let it go
• Letting go of guilt is safe
• I will no longer punish myself with guilt
• I forgive myself for not being perfect

3. Visualization to Release Guilt

This visualization can help you release deep, repressed guilt that’s stored in your body.

Turn off your devices. Sit or lie comfortably on the bed. Breathe in on a count of 4, pause, then breathe out on a count of 8. Breathe like that for a few minutes or until you feel completely relaxed.

Then think about what you feel guilty about. Really immerse yourself in the feeling of guilt. Where is it? Where in the body do you feel your guilt?

If you pay attention, you will localize a feeling of burning, tingling or heaviness in one of the areas of your body. It could be your heart, your head, or the stomach area.

Now visualize bright white or golden light around the area. Say: I am ready to release the guilt. Then ask God, the Universe, the Higher Self, or whoever you consider the higher power to take away your guilt and replace it with love and self-acceptance.

Visualize your guilt lifting from your body and floating up to heaven where it’s cleared and transmuted. Now see the area where guilt used to be filling up with golden shimmering light — pure love.

When the area is no longer tingling or burning and you feel like the process is over, thank your higher power and slowly open your eyes.

4. Cognitive Audit

The cognitive audit is taking stock of the beliefs related to your guilt. It involves identifying and restructuring the beliefs you no longer want to uphold.

For example, if you believe the old adage “Mother’s always right,” you might feel guilty every time you disobey your mother or make choices you know she will disapprove of.

So you may want to change that belief to something a little more realistic, such as “Mother’s right sometimes but not always. She doesn’t know what’s best for me just because she’s my mother. Only I know what’s best for me.”

To do the cognitive audit, follow these steps.

• Take a piece of paper and write out at least 5 reasons why you feel guilty. You can write as many as you can come up with, but identify at least 5.
• Then, next to each of those statements, come up with at least one counter-statement. CONTRADICT the belief that’s fueling your guilt.
• Come up with new, healthier beliefs.

For example, let’s say that you feel guilty every time you allow yourself to take a break. This means that deep down you believe that there’s something wrong with taking a break. It’s a common belief in our “hustle culture” that glorifies workaholism.

So you might write something like:

• I feel guilty because my self-esteem is tied to how hard I work. When I’m not doing anything I feel worthless.
• Taking a break is a waste of time.
• Only lazy people take breaks.
• Mothers don’t have breaks.
• My mother (father, sibling, boss) never takes a break so I shouldn’t either.
• Taking a break means I’m failing to keep up with everyone else.

Really dig deep and try to unearth every single belief that’s behind your guilt. Then contradict and form a new belief.

For example,

• A healthy life-work balance is important
• On a deathbed, no one ever regrets not working more
• Spending time with my loved ones is not a waste of time
• Taking a break isn’t the same as being lazy
• Working all the time leads to burnout
• I can prioritize self-care and still be productive
• Regular relaxation time actually improves productivity, etc.

Keep identifying and replacing unhealthy or irrational beliefs with healthy ones, and your heart will catch up with your head eventually.

5. Learn a Lesson

From a spiritual perspective, everything we experience in life (including the people we meet or are related to) contains a lesson.

Your mission is to see the lesson amid the emotional turmoil you may be going through.

Painful experiences and emotions are particularly challenging but they often contain the most valuable lessons.

Whether your guilt is self-inflicted or someone else has placed the blame on you, there is a lesson there.

Perhaps, the lesson is self-forgiveness or self-acceptance. Or perhaps the lesson is to have boundaries and not to take on other people’s emotional baggage.

Whatever it is, what matters the most is that you acknowledge the guilt, work through it, and learn your lesson.

Learning the lesson will allow you to release the guilt. And when you release it, there is a whole new you on the other side: someone who’s happier, stronger, and more peaceful.

Don’t put it off any longer. Don’t hide behind excuses. I know it’s hard to confront difficult emotions, and repressed guilt can be particularly challenging to uproot.

But know that it is within your power. Keep moving forward, even if you’re not moving as fast as you’d like. Be patient with yourself.

You’re exactly where you need to be, and this message is reaching you at the exact right time.

Take it as a sign that you’re loved and supported, always. So it’s time to love and support yourself.

References

Tignor, S., Colvin, C. (2019). The meaning of guilt: Reconciling the past to inform the future. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 116(6), Jun, 2019. pp. 989-1010.

Signs of Guilt. Retrieved from WebMD.

Day, M., Bobocel, R. (2013). The Weight of a Guilty Conscience: Subjective Body Weight as an Embodiment of Guilt. PLoS ONE 8(7): e69546.