Do you have a narcissistic mother? Are you at your wits’ end about how to deal with her? Alex Burgemeester from The Narcissistic Life explains how to keep your mother at arm’s length, be it low contact or no contact.
Dealing with a narcissistic mother is emotional and mental torment. You can be subjected to
- constant disrespect (whether direct or indirect)
- dramatic outbursts
- manipulation
- control tactics
- backstabbing
- gaslighting
- jealousy
- and other forms of abuse.
Exposure to emotional abuse can cause long-lasting psychological damage if you do not take authority over the situation.
In an ideal world, a mother-and-child relationship should be nurturing, loving, and supportive. Unfortunately, it is impossible to have this type of bond with a narcissist.
Despite the unconditional love you have for her, the only way to protect yourself is to maintain no contact or low contact with your narcissistic mother.
This is perhaps the most challenging thing you will ever do, and I greatly sympathize with your plight.
Educate Yourself on Narcissism
The decisions you will need to make on this journey will be a lot easier when you have a deeper understanding of narcissism.
To begin, it’s important to realize that your mother did not choose to become a narcissist. The condition is the result of childhood emotional trauma.
It is natural for children to want their parents to love them, but the reality is that narcissists have a distorted view of love.
No matter how hard you try, your narcissistic mother will always make you feel as if you are not worthy of her affections. This merry-go-round lays a solid foundation for a dysfunctional relationship in which you will always lose.
Therefore, the only way to protect yourself from a narcissistic parent is by setting boundaries.
How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissistic Mother
To maintain low contact with your narcissistic mother you will need to set boundaries. You’ve got to be firm and resolute in enforcing them, because narcissists do not like boundaries, and they will keep violating them.
This is especially true with narcissistic mothers because they see their children as extensions of themselves, and are blind to the fact that their children are individuals with their own lives.
Here are some tips on how to set boundaries with your narcissistic mother.
1. Set Your Expectations
You must decide how much you are willing to tolerate. Think about how your mother encroaches on your personal space and the restrictions you want to put in place.
For example, if you live together, does she walk into your room without knocking? If so, put a sign on the door stating, “Please knock and wait for an answer before entering.”
2. It’s Not Up For Discussion
As you will have experienced, it is impossible to have a rational conversation with a narcissist. There is no point in wasting your time and energy.
Once you have decided on the boundaries you want to enforce, wait for a violation. Then simply state the facts and walk away. You do not need to give her an explanation, and neither do you need to hear hers.
3. Enforce the Consequences
With the door-knocking example, once you’ve put up the sign and she ignores it, enforce the boundary. Politely explain to your mother that the next time she walks into your room without knocking, you will put a lock on the door.
If she does it again, put a lock on the door.
4. Ignore the Tantrums
Narcissists are like children. When they don’t get their way, they throw a tantrum. Your mother will be enraged when she can’t knock down the walls you have erected around yourself.
Refuse to react to this emotional blackmail. The tantrums will come in many different forms ranging from the silent treatment to picking arguments.
She aims to get a reaction out of you. Don’t give it to her.
How to Keep Your Narcissistic Mother at Arm’s Length
Putting boundaries in place is one way of maintaining low contact with your narcissistic mother. But there are several other strategies you can implement to ensure she doesn’t get too close.
- Give Her Very Little Information. Narcissists will take what you say and use it against you. To avoid this, reduce your conversations with your mother to yes or no answers. Be brief, frank, and to the point with her. In other words, keep it short and sweet.
- Do Not Disturb. Put your phone on “do not disturb” and don’t add your mother to your favorites. In this way, she can’t bombard you with phone calls, and you have control over when you speak to her.
- Limit Your Time. When you do see your mother, make sure it’s on a day you’ve got plenty of things to do. Basically, you are giving her a certain amount of time for lunch, dinner, or however you choose to meet, and that’s it. Limiting your time with her will only work if you tell her when you meet up at the last minute. Saying so beforehand will allow her to choose a time when you are going to be less busy.
How Do I Cut Contact With My Narcissistic Mother?
If you can no longer tolerate your mother, cutting contact is your only option.
This is especially true once you start your own family, and want to ensure that she doesn’t become an emotional hindrance to your children in the same way she was to you. After all, your narcissistic mother won’t just magically turn into a wonderful, loving grandma. She will become a narcissistic grandmother.
But keeping her away from your kids isn’t going to be an easy task.
Narcissists are renowned for their charm and it is only their victims who are aware of their true character. To everyone else, your mother is an angel who can do no wrong, and she is loved and respected by her peers.
Therefore, when you do take the bold step to remove her from your life, many people will see you as the villain. Before I give you advice on how to cut ties with your narcissistic mother, here is what you can expect when you do.
She Will Spread Rumors About You
Narcissists want to protect their reputation at all costs. Their lives are built around the fake persona they have created, and they will do everything in their power to ensure this mask is not exposed.
Your mother will turn to friends and family members to spread the most vicious lies about you, and they will believe her. Your mother will become the victim, and you will become the villain.
The judgment and the social stigma you will face will be tremendous.
She Will Beg, Plead, and Bargain
Although your mother gave birth to you, she doesn’t have the maternal instincts to protect and nurture you. Your sole purpose in her life is to serve her needs. Since you have come from her loins, you are an easy-to-access narcissistic supply, and she is not going to let you go without a fight.
Your narcissistic mother will use every trick in the book to get you to stay. She will promise to change, tell you your life means nothing without her, and she might even start behaving like a mother.
Don’t get sucked into the façade. Once she has roped you in, the abuse will start all over again.
How to Enforce No Contact With Your Narcissistic Mother
According to experts, no contact means no contact. You’ve got to shut every door and keep them shut. If not, your mother will creep back into your life. Here are some tips on how to enforce no contact with your mother.
1. Tell her you are cutting contact
It’s safer not to do this in person if you want to avoid a huge confrontation. As mentioned, narcissists don’t take being cut off lightly.
Therefore, you can either write her a letter, send an email, or a text message. Explain in plain English exactly why you need to cut contact and leave it at that.
2. Block her phone number
You will feel guilty for cutting off your mother. When she calls, you will want to answer. To avoid this, block her number so she can’t get through.
Also, bear in mind that she will probably call you from a different number, and even get other people to call you. So it might be best if you change your number.
3. Block her on social media
Social media is one of the many ways people keep tabs on each other, and I can guarantee that your mother will stalk you relentlessly this way. Keep her out of your business by blocking her.
One of the many benefits of social media is that you can set your profile to private so that the only people with access to your page are your friends.
Once your mother has been blocked, she won’t be able to view your profile even if she sets up a fake account.
4. Block her associates on social media
You will also need to block her associates and everyone who is connected to her on social media.
Once your mother realizes she has been blocked, she will use other people to contact you.
5. Follow Your Heart
Whether friends or family members, most people are not going to understand your decision to cut off your mother. Unless someone has been raised by a narcissistic parent, they won’t be able to relate to what you are going through.
So they will act as your mother’s enablers or “flying monkeys.”
In a very well-meaning manner, they will accuse you of overreacting and being harsh. You will hear comments like,
“Oh she’s your mother, you are bound to argue.” Or,
“She only does things like that because she loves you.” Or,
“All mothers act like that, it’s normal.”
It is essential that you block out these voices and follow your heart, or they will convince you that what you are doing is wrong, and you won’t get any further than first base.
Refuse to allow guilt to stop you from finding the true and lasting happiness you know you deserve.
6. Take Care of Yourself
Whether you take the no-contact or the low-contact route with your narcissistic mother, it is going to affect your emotional well-being.
You are in a complex situation. The average person won’t experience this in their lifetime. So be intentional about taking care of yourself.
Find time to relax and unwind, go out with friends, and do the things that you enjoy and that give your life meaning.
7. Find Your Support Network
Cutting ties with your mother is going to be one of the most difficult things you will ever do. You will suffer emotional turmoil, and you will need a strong support network to get through it.
This support might not come from your family.
In fact, there is a high chance that your decision to dissociate yourself from your mother will cause a rift in the family. Some members might empathize with you and others won’t. Or she will succeed in turning everyone against you.
In any event, there are organizations you can join that have a full understanding of the emotional trauma you have experienced as a result of being raised by a narcissistic parent.
Final Thoughts
Before you go, it’s essential you understand one thing about your narcissistic mother: you can’t change her.
There is no point in confronting her about her behavior. She will just get defensive and angry, and you will end up arguing.
If you want to live a peaceful life, the only way to maneuver the situation is either through low contact or no contact.
It is also important to mention that if your parents are still together, your father will be your mother’s enabler. He won’t go against anything she says or does, not even for his own children.
And if you take the route of no contact, she will turn him against you and your relationship will come to an end.
Finally, get some professional help. Being raised by a narcissistic parent comes with its own set of challenges.
But once you decide that you deserve better than the cards you’ve been dealt, you can start taking a stand against it. And when you do, you will need help dealing with the emotional turmoil that comes with this.
Whether or not you choose to maintain contact with your narcissistic mother, I wish you every success in your journey of personal growth, healing, and self-awareness.
About the Author
This article was written by Alexander Burgemeester from TheNarcissisticLife.com. Alex is a Neuropsychologist and writes about Narcissism for more than 10 years. His website is full of articles that explain who the Narcissist is and how best to deal with them.
I took the advice in this article today and told my parents I am going no contact (step #1).
Then I listened to this expert’s podcast and it says to never tell a narcissist you are going no contact: https://spotify.link/037mNAFJQDb
Sigh
Hi M Dee,
I don’t think there is one universal way to do something as tricky as cutting ties with a narcissist. That being said, most people will generally advise you to avoid an open confrontation with a narcissist. Now, I am not the author of this particular article but as far as I know, that was the advice the author gave as well. Whoever you listen to on this issue, go with your gut and do what feels right in *your* situation. For example, if you don’t feel safe telling someone you’re cutting contact with them, don’t tell them. If you feel that you need to say those words to establish a boundary, say them. Trust yourself first.
Sincerely,
Lana
My husband and I went no contact with his family around 9 years ago, we were doing fine. Still live in same county as them, my husband hasn’t seen his sisters since we went no contact. It all was disrupted last year, when our daughter decided to invite them to her wedding, my husband refused to go, because they were invited. I , of course went, but I really didn’t enjoy the wedding because my anger towards them boiled over, I am not the type of person to scream or hell, I didn’t say anything to them. Even my family were wondering why they were there. I am not excusing my husband, but I know him, he could just ignore them. Since he wasn’t at the wedding, my daughters will not allow my grandkids to come to our house. They both have a had another baby, and my husband has not met them. They know that we have had No contact with them for the last 9 years, my eldest daughter wants to have a relationship with them, that is fine, but do not invite them to family functions when we are there. She is inviting them to more family functions, should I give her an ultimatum it is them or me? My husband in the last year has becomes more depressed.
I never knew about Narcisstic traits until about 6 years ago. Once I did research and read other people stories it was such a breathe of fresh air. My mother has always belittled me in front of people. I knew it was wrong but when ever I would say anything she would say, ” Oh I am just trying to make people laugh, you are to sensitive”. or she would curse me out. Then call me a few weeks later like nothing ever happened. When I would tell my husband he would always say but your mom is so nice. So it was hard to cut ties because everyone just love her and no one sees the other side but me. Things changed when she got sick and she came to my home so I can take care of her. She went out of her way to insult me but this time my husband witnessed it. I took her back home and because my husband finally seen what I been saying for years it was easier to cut ties. I just needed one person to witness her abuse. I finally confided in a friend who never met my mom and ironically she believed everything I was saying because her mom was the same way. She is older than me so she really became my main support and would for warn me of things that my mom might do. Then I felt confident to confide in another friend and her mother was the same way with her. Her advice to me was “So what if she is nice to everyone, she isn’t nice to you”. Those words gave me so much strength. I am in a much better place now. It took time but it was worth it. At the end of the day she might have everyone on earth fooled but God knows the truth.
Thanks for the confirmation. My life with my mother was just fine until I invited another woman into my life, whether a girlfriend or spouse, she did everything she could to try and manipulate them and me to serve her instead of each other. I sent a declaration page to her over a year ago, and although it eased the anxiety in my marriage, I still yearn for the closeness of family. My sister still reaches out occasionally but knows to keep the questions light and focused on hers and my relationship. The only word (second-hand) that I have heard from my father is that he wished my mother and I could get along. He is turning 90 in April, and we were best friends for years. I’ll miss the connection, but know that I don’t want that poison in my children’s lives or grandchildren’s. I wish I would have been more aware of what mental illness looked like earlier in my life. I have two younger brothers that were affected and both suffer emotionally and socially. Please continue to spread the word!
Thanks for this, this article is so accurate.
I have the memories and I struggle to come to terms with accepting and admitting the fact I have been emotionally abused as a child. Throughout my childhood my mother would tell me lies about my father and say my sibling was the favoured child. Amongst other things she would say to me such as ‘I wish I never had you’ ‘your the reason my life is shit’ and ‘there is something wrong with you’ etc. she was sexually abused as a child and has never accomplished anything due to the abuse she suffered as a child. Although she is highly intelligent.
My mother was born in the 60’s to an English mother and Jamaican father. My English side of the family was as you can imagine back then was racist. So my grandma had to choose between her family and my mothers father. Ofcourse she stayed with her family, no man ever went near her again, she never loved or was loved again, probably due to the fact she had a child with Jamaican man. All of my grandmothers siblings moved away, married and had kids.
My mother wants to keep all her children in the same toxic place and doesn’t want the best for us, my father even put us into private school and she didn’t want us there because of her own failings in life and insecurities. She is transfering all of the generational trauma and is successfully doing so.
My brothers been to rehab and has coping mechanisms and is now coping, my sister however who is to a different father who has nothing to do with her, has my mothers back no matter what and is completely brainwashed to my mums narcissistic behaviour. For me I am aware and making progress but keep slipping up and always find myself extremely depressed and feeling hopeless and blaming myself. All my childhood I was made to blame myself, As a child it was all my fault police was coming to the door or getting kicked out of school etc, when she was the one manipulating me by allowing me and giving me whatever I wanted to use me against my father.
She never told him anything, always kept things hidden from him as she would have to face up to the fact she was not fit for purpose. If it wasn’t for my father I wouldn’t have the slightest clue of any of this and would be completely none the wiser. However although I know it, it’s so hard to take control of my life, I don’t who i truly am. I can’t hold down intimate relationships because I haven’t yet dealt with the trauma and I don’t want to live my life indenial.
I have limited contact before and it has worked I will try again but do you have any ideas on how I can be more assertive and take control?
Thankyou
What advice do you have for children who still live with / are financially dependent on them? Is there anything you can do?
If your the scapegoat of a Narcissist, there’s not much you can do that’s going to change the way your treated. You may have to take the bold step of saying goodbye to your family, because the Narcissist will have them all on her side. Don’t do this to teach the Narcissist a lesson, do it for your self. The Narcissist will gladly discard one of her children to protect her reputation and keep her evil rotten behavior a secret.
“IF wishes were fishes …..
….. the sea would overfill ”
Corny, but true 😉
In MY Utopian world, I wish …..
….. there NEVER were/was such a HORRIFIC thing as the existence of narcissistic people!
….. and especially, NO such thing as a narcissistic parent : whether one has a narcissistic father or mother, Life IS TRULY HELL!
For those highest ranking unfortunates (such as myself) borne of BOTH parents of disordered narcissistic personalities …. awe hell, HELL ITSELF would’ve been a 5 star vacation resort compared to the CONSTANT nearly mentally, emotionally & even physically unbearable existence that I was cursed to have been borne into.
Worse tho?
I don’t know WHICH situation is most embarrassing:
• To self-commit oneself at the age of 49, via confessing said visit to the local psychiatric hospital was merely a last ditch resort before FINALLY going through with a WELL planned suicide which held miniscule probabilities for failure
[had I foregone the idea to admit I was suicidal in the 1st place, I might have spared myself the last 7 years which have amounted to little more than JUST MORE HELL & SUFFERING with aforementioned narcissistic parent in my life]
~ OR ~
Despite COMPLETE IGNORANCE as to what narcissism actually was, AFTER said aforementioned self admit to a mental health facility, wherein Dr. ‘s & therapists DID meet & interview my mother through counseling sessions with me, I DID come to learn ALL ABOUT the condition known as NPD [ Narcissistic Personality Disorder] . FURTHER, I also learned of the tactics employed by such individuals AND came to learn & understand that altho I, personally, did NOT have ANY gross mental defect, disorder or deviance of personality, I DID have a mental condition AS A RESULT OF HAVING BEEN RAISED BY (& continued an ongoing relationship with) AN INDIVIDUAL DIAGNOSED WITH NPD [my mother].
I came to learn & understand that beyond ANY doubt, I was suffering w/SEVERE PTSD …. that which had been worsening over the years until THAT very time when I self-admitted …. because I had, in EVERY sense of the word/meaning, finally “broke” 🙁
Still, despite having to learn & come to terms with this situation in my life AND through input from extended family members, really come to appreciate altho I’d NOT KNOWN anything about such things as NPD, PTSD &/or any number of attributes & side effects OF such conditions, I DID KNOW SOMETHING(S) were very (very) wrong
*** I’d known it from the time I began having memories, even tho I didn’t know what “it” was & thus, I had no way/words to express/communicate my situation at any time or point(s) along my horrid journey up to THAT place/time in Life.
So yeah,, what’s MORE shameful/embarassing/regrettable ?
● Committing MYSELF to the “looney bin”
OR
● Going thru the ordeal of a inpatient psychiatric admission for five (5) days & FINDING OUT WHY I was breaking/broken ….. and still …. despite IMMENSE & copious advice & input from NOT JUST ONE, BUT SEVERAL professionals involved in MY case during the hospital stay, being advised of the dire necessity that I either go “no contact” or very very very low/little amount of time IN CONTACT with &/or engaging with my mother …. I STILL DID ❗
I mean really ?
It’s like BEFORE the self-admit hospitalization
It’s a no-brainer I was a dumbass.
But EVEN AFTERWARDS of the crash course /education gleaned as a result of the inpatient treatment ….. I was ACTUALLY DUMB-ER! It’s one thing 2B ignorant. Altogether something different when cannot claim ignorance & keep doing that which YOU ARE AWARE IS KILLING YOU & doing it anyways ?
❓?❓?❓?❓
All I can say @ THIS POINT [now- 7 years later] is I suppose that saying “It’s never too late” is BS. For THIS OLE GAL, finding out I’d been victimized by narcissism at age 49 WAS TOO LATE !!
I was surely rendered far too damaged to NOT KNOW ANY BETTER to NOT separate from my mom EVEN AFTER I was released from hospital & armed w/knowledge. The majority of MY problem seems 2B some “game” the God’s must be playing where I was given alllllll the genuine (vs faked) emotions &/or feelings that MY MOTHER should have received in HER FAIR SHARE of emotions ….. plus I received that which was rightfully mine to have been given. Therefore, I was CURSED to get mine AND MOTHER’S SHARE of emotions ….. whilst SHE managed to escape almost every/all emotions ….. except for the (very) few which arise out of ONLY SITUATIONS AFFECTING HER &/or when SHE EXPERIENCES SOMETHING AS A DIRECT RESULT OF her ability to comprehend value in/from ONLY THAT WHICH IS AFFECTING HER … or might (?)
Maybe?
If I had come across the information when I was younger? IF ONLY I had come across such infornation, knowledge, etc when I was younger …… awe well there ya go !
Add that one to the ole
“If wishes were fishes …..”
fishbowl , eh?
Altho?
I’d NOT NEED granting of the latter wish
If MY FIRST WISH were granted.
Reminding dear readers, my FIRST WISH was that “NO NARCISSISTIC PARENT ever existed ”
🤔💭🙏🚫👥❗
Yep
I’d RATHER that wish be granted
than to be blessed w/all the money ever wanted/needed.
It’s often said not until one learns to love themself can one be capable of loving another in a healthy &/or authentic manner, right?
Welp?
For ME, faced with not having the love of a father OR a mother, I’ve NEVER managed to figure out HOW to love & not loathe myself? I mean really ….. if one’s mother cannot love ya ….. HOW can you love yourself?
I’ve tried to learn too: workshops, books, books, MORE books, online learning, therapy, therapy, therapy, individual & group therapy. I (now) think when I saw a psychiatric report some years ago wherein the word “damaged” was used in regards to my psyche ….. BOY WAS THAT AN UNDERSTATEMENT!!
SO, regarding THIS article?
Bless the hearts of those whom either wrote or contributed in any way for its publication & appearance online.
Bless tge hearts of ALL & ANY whom insure THIS INFORMATION is put out there 2B seen by the scores of others out there whom, like me, were borne into a world where one will NEVER experience a moment knowing what its like to be OF value …. in the eyes of another or themself.
I no longer wish- such is futile.
I DO however, PRAY many others will continue to get THE WORD OUT ON THIS VERY ISSUE & I DO invest of my own effort(s) into spreading & sharing THIS TYPE OF INFORMATION …. that is when I’m having a day better than my “normal” days nowadays ….. if/when I even venture to get up & out of bed.
Oh but hey, in a feeble attempt to do that which I used to ALWAYS do: FIND a bright side? At least for me
(when in Rome, right? LOL ….
meaning? It’s all about me !
* giggle * )
… yep, at least for me, COVID has BARELY affected MY LIFE ? Heck, it’s made little to NO DIFFERENCE that I’ve only left my house – my bedroom actually – bcuz I of course married someone equally as self centered , selfish, emotionallt/mentally abusive as mommy dearest after all, LOL. I’m textbook victim of narc parent – if nothing else? Lmao
….. yeah, so I’ve only left my BEDROOM like 5 times over the course of the past YEAR! Did the exact same the two years prior too! And THOSE mere ventures away from home/room were for the purpose of making Dr visits ONLY!! Mandatory if I’m wanting my meds filled, so I’ll make those rare & infrequent ventures out of the house.
Otherwise?
Pfffft
No thank you
I’ve ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to even HAVE a remaining hope or joy or goal or ….. anything.
It’s now going on year four, where EVERY DAMN DAY I WAKE UP, I’m PISSED I did !
True story * right hand up, palm facing outward*
Summary: to those whom know what these situations DO to those unfortunates among us whom live lives w/these injurious narcissistic individuals among them ….. PLEASE DON’T EVER STOP trying to reach these victims!
Please continue THIS WORK for those whom THERE STILL IS HOPE & for whom it is NOT
“too late”.
There ARE untold numbers of those whom have led & are presently living, lives of NEAR CONSTANT SHEER HELL & IF a “Higher Power” might actually exist, help/support may FIND & rescue them so that they too have SOME POSSIBLE CHANCE to get away & get a chance ….. to actually LIVE a Life worthy OF LIVING. ** prayers **
~ Lu
This is Amanda. Sorry I wanted to be accurate with everyone I’m 37 yrs old
My name is Amanda and I am 27 yrs old for the last 2 yrs I have been wanting to cut contact due to baby daddy drama, I had to give my Mother guardianship of my daughter and it was before I knew she was narcissistic and my daughter chooses not to see it although when crying after she called her stupid just like she did me from 6-9 and stopped because she knew it was wrong she even said many years she felt guilty about it and I told her I forgave you a long time ago… but w h en does the verbal emotional abuse cycle stop! Although I named 4 of the common narcissistic traits when she asked if I am then name 3 I listed 4 and as h expanded to naturally hang in I’ve read as far as a h u stand goes he’ll usually take her side and enable her it looks like thats what my daughter is doing and has a grade towards md cause gor many years I gad a drug abuse after she broke her promise not to use her c as emotional blackmail (punishment) which she say she hasn’t and I’d prove my cleanness and sobriety and I’d still only get window opportunities to see her. I’m worried that if I cut tues so will it with my daughter and then a BIG maybe when she’s older which she’s 13 now she might choose to have contact with me. I’m at my wits end though with my mother.
I went no contact with my mother in 2019 after a final phone call from her literally broke me. I’d never understood my relationship with her, which changed when I was 16 and got a boyfriend. She never supported me, even when I reached out needing her, it’s always been about what she needed – and from me. I could do no right. After seeking therapy and being told that I’d been the victim of her narcissistic abuse my whole life, I made the hardest decision of my life. It was painful, I was traumatised, confused and torn but I stuck with it, for my own self preservation. Two years later and I’ve never looked back, it was the best thing for me that I could ever do. It’s tough at times, I still get dreadfully triggered sometimes but I can cope – and I have a lot of support from so many people who could see for themselves what had been going on for years. I was blind to it. Thank you for this article, I still read these just to confirm to myself every now and then that what I did was right. This was spot on for me – and it does help to know my therapist was right with the help that he gave me.
Peggy,
stories like yours are reminders to all of us of the strength and resilience of the survivors of narcissistic abuse. You’re doing phenomenally well. I’m SO proud of you for seeking help and for finding the courage to sever ties with your mother. I know it was hard and you still get triggered and/or feel the guilt but it’s in no way an indication that you made the wrong decision. You did what you had to do to protect yourself from a destructive, parasitic presence in your life. I know those are harsh words to say about a mother but it’s true. Thank you for sharing, you are on the right path!!!
Lana
where do you go to to check for replies. And yes Lana thanks for your post. Do you know if a live toxic/narcissistic support group
I’m 56 and I have been through hell with a mother who is 79 and still tries desperately to control and disrespect me. Reading this article has completely opened the door to my personal suffering. I had to cut all contact with mother. No one understand the pain it causes. This article explains why so many fights broke out between us. I’m so done. Time for me to do me. Thanks a million for bringing clarity to my brokenness.
This is exactly where I am now, thank you for writing this. I have been told many times that I am ungrateful daughter but when my mother started using mg daughter against me and treating her the way she treated me, I just had to cut off all communication with her. I feel bad but it has gotten to a point where she just wont leave me alone. Hope anyone who needs to read this finds this article.
Thank you for posting this amazing information. I really need to digest it and put it into practice. It is difficult to ignore my mother because she really knows how to ‘get my goat.’ The best thing to do that I have been reading is to completely ignore her and move out of her home. She has cancer and I felt bad that I was going to move out, but not anymore. We are both only children but this abuse has to stop.
Hi Tygr,
it’s a difficult call but trust yourself, listen to your gut, and you’ll make the right choice. Or maybe the choice is already made; you just have to accept it. Whatever you do — no guilt, no shame, and no regret.
Sincerely,
Lana
Thanks for making this blog. Its very cathartic and helpful. So great to feel understood. Thanks for making this!
You’re welcome, Brian! Thanks for the kind words 🙂
Thank you for all this information and can’t express how much I used your advice on coping with outburst from mother today , who turned up on my doorstep after 8 weeks ghosting me , this included the Xmas time!!
I refused to let her in my house, and remembered all your words , to not to get angry, and told her I can’t continue being hurt by her behaviour and lies …. She’s not welcome and to go home and leave me alone . She came back at me with all sorts to try to make me feel sorry for her ….didn’t work
I just kept reinforcing my words to tell her to go home and I closed the door .
Have to say , I’m 63 and mother 85 ! Long time coming for me to realise enough is enough . Thank you xxx