Do certain women attract narcissists? Do you ever wonder if you’re one of them? Read on to find out 10 types of women that are easy targets for an emotionally abusive man.
1. Kick-ass Kyra
Narcissists are attracted to strong, powerful women.
For one, a strong woman can take care of him. Because despite macho appearances and charismatic first impressions, a narcissist needs a lot of care!
Two, narcissists take special pleasure in destroying a strong woman. They are disturbed, violent, exploitative individuals who get off on a sense of power over someone else.
Like a hunter collects the heads of rare animals he killed, a narcissist collects strong women whose spirits he’s broken.
2. Empath Emma
A lot has been said about the fatal attraction between empaths (people who are attuned to others’ feelings) and narcissists. And for a good reason.
An empath, who is used to sacrificing her own needs for others, is a natural fit for a narcissist, who is used to putting his own needs first.
An empathetic woman will sense the narcissist’s needs and fulfill them without questioning whether she’s getting the same in return. She will be attentive, compassionate, and understanding of him. And she will stroke his ego and make herself small to make him feel big.
She is his perfect match. Unfortunately for the empath, this match is made in hell.
3. Chameleon Chloe
Chameleon Chloe has no clear sense of self, no passions, no strong beliefs. So it’s easy for her to get swooped up in a narcissist’s world.
She has no identity of her own, so she will gladly take on the identity of whoever she’s with.
The narcissists dig that type of woman. She’s easy to manipulate and use for narcissistic supply.
Unfortunately, many women struggle with identity issues. Historically speaking, men had been defining women for thousands of years.
So now that we (almost) have the freedom to be whoever we want to be, we can be struck by identity paralysis, and continue to seek guidance from the men in our lives.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We just have to continue working through our generational trauma of being subjugated, dominated, and often persecuted for being ourselves and speaking our truth.
4. Loyal Laura
Loyal Laura is loyal to a fault. She will stay with a narcissist way past the relationship’s expiration date.
That’s a valuable quality for a narcissist who needs someone with endless patience, unwavering support, and an inexhaustible ability to forgive.
The narcissist will also demand that you prove your loyalty over and over. Those displays will require you to repeatedly choose between the narcissist and other people.
First, it will be some friends or acquaintances who don’t like the narcissist. Then it’s family members who are worried about you. And pretty soon, it will be just you and the narcissist.
Of course, this is by design. Once your support system is gone and you’re properly isolated, the narcissist has total power over you.
This loyalty bind with a narcissist is a dangerous path to be on. Be careful before committing yourself to someone who demands absolute loyalty.
5. No-Boundaries Betty
Hi! I’m no-boundaries Betty. When I met my narcissist (many moons ago), it was attraction at first sight. I mean, he was handsome, smart, funny, and very, very charming. I wanted him to like me so badly!
So in a misguided effort to fast-forward our relationship, I became excessively accommodating to him. I tossed aside all of my personal boundaries because I was afraid that if I told him “no,” he’ll walk away.
I let him call me anytime he liked. When he’d show up at my house late at night, drunk, I didn’t turn him away. When he’d text me with a last-minute invite, I never said “no.”
It makes the hair on my back stand up when I think about all the stuff I let him get away with.
It didn’t even occur to me that boundaries are healthy and necessary for a relationship.
I was afraid to hurt his feelings or push him away. But if I enacted boundaries from the get-go, I probably would have saved myself a lot of heartache down the line.
My lack of boundaries told the narcissist that it was OK to proceed and that I was already prioritizing his needs over mine.
Does that sound familiar? Don’t be a no-boundaries Betty, unless you want to attract narcissists.
6. Gorgeous Gia
Dating an attractive woman is an ego boost for a narcissist who always seeks out ways to enhance his status. A beautiful woman can do just that.
Of course, everyone is attracted to beautiful people. It’s in our DNA to be drawn to beauty. And what we find pleasing to the eye is almost universal: harmonious, symmetrical features are captivating regardless of race, age, culture, etc.
But while other people can find beauty on the inside as well as the outside, the narcissist is all about appearances.
That vanity is the reason narcissists are often physically attractive themselves. They are the kind of people to go to the gym 5 times a week, have a skincare routine, wear expensive clothes, etc.
So they are immensely attracted to beautiful women. And the more beautiful the woman is, the bigger the ego high they receive.
However, the high will not be long-lasting. At some point, he will find someone younger or hotter to replace his “old” conquest.
7. Insecure Izzy
A narcissist’s MO is to manipulate and control people using their insecurities.
So even if you’re smart, beautiful, and successful, you can still be insecure on the inside. A narcissist will sense that and use it to his advantage.
However, you can’t be too insecure. Narcissists aren’t attracted to someone who’s too weak or fragile. They’re not trying to take care of anyone’s needs.
He needs you to be just insecure enough to stay with him through the cycle of abuse.
“Self-Esteem isn’t everything, its just that there is nothing without it.” – Gloria Steinem
8. Successful Sue
Narcissists are attracted to successful women because successful women have a lot to give, and they don’t need to be taken care of.
Being with a successful woman also reflects well on a narcissist, who’s all about the public perception of himself.
On the other hand, many narcissists are driven to success by their need for attention and admiration.
So it’s likely that a successful woman will attract successful narcissists who are looking for their “equal,” or someone to enhance their public persona.
9. Daddy Issues Donna
“Daddy issues” is a pop psychology term describing a woman who had a difficult, abusive, or absent father.
As a result, she has trouble forming healthy intimate relationships with the opposite sex.
A woman with “daddy issues” can be a natural target for a narcissist because she subconsciously attracts abusers.
Until she works on her childhood issues, she’ll seek out a familiar abusive pattern with her romantic partners — one that a narcissist is happy to reenact.
The best way to deal with “daddy issues” is therapy.
It can help you become aware of how you might be subconsciously replaying a father-child dynamic in your relationships and choosing men who are either unavailable or abusive.
10. Fixer Fiona
Oh, poor thing…He’s so damaged…He doesn’t know how to love. He’s afraid to open up because he doesn’t want to get hurt. His ex really did a number on him. He just needs the love of a good woman to heal.
If you’re a natural caregiver, you might have an almost irresistible urge to “fix” the narcissist. After all, you’re not wrong.
Narcissists aren’t evil. They’re people with profound psychological handicaps who’ve likely been the victims of abuse. It’s OK to sympathize with them and want to help.
But don’t kid yourself: there’s no fixing them. You can only fix your own tendency toward codependency.
What Do All Women Who Attract Narcissists Have in Common?
Did you recognize yourself in one of these women? Or maybe in more than one?
I’ll tell you a little secret: they’re not separate identities. They’re all essentially one woman: strong, smart, compassionate… Yet sometimes she lets people take advantage of her.
We can all be a No-boundaries Betty, a Chameleon Chloe, or a Fixer Fiona at times. But it doesn’t define us.
The truth is, narcissists are attracted to shiny objects. Kind of like birds. Or children.
So narcissists are attracted to women who shine, who are exceptional in some way, and who have a lot to offer. Because narcissists would like to take what you have to offer.
The way he gets in is by finding a weakness he can exploit.
We all have weaknesses. Narcissists are just good at zeroing in on that weakness and using it to control or destroy you.
Either way, it’s not your fault. You didn’t invite narcissistic abuse. You didn’t ask for it.
But if you’ve had a narcissistic relationship (or several) in the past, it’s probably a good time to examine the larger relationship patterns in your life. After all, deeper self-awareness is the silver lining of a toxic relationship.
Psychological dysfunction typically originates in childhood. You might want to explore that part of your life with a licensed professional.
It can help you discover the deeper reasons why you’re one of the women who attract narcissists.
NEXT
7 Clever Dating Games All Narcissists Play
Are Tattoos a Sign of Narcissism?
Why You Attract Toxic People (8 Reasons That Will Surprise You)
This comment is for Mike about narcissistic women. Unfortunately, I had one as a stepmother who raised me and one as a biological mother I met later. I’ve also had two best friends who were this as well. I understand what you are saying, I do. For one, our society gets us early as children when it comes to being brainwashed about “how to be a narcissist”. We are the ME generation. But to be honest, alot of this undercurrent has been here with us forever. We were just taught, by our predators, to not see them and since many of them get away with murder there’s a secret envy that alot of people who are prey – have. It’s kinda like our conscience is in the baby stages as a whole of the human race because if it wasn’t that way, our world would not be like it is. We talk a good story but our actions speak louder. All we have to do is look at who we admire, our icons, our leaders, our politicians, etc. Whoop, there it is.
What alot of people don’t get is how powerful people who are lightbearers in this world truly are. They are the reason we are all still here. Most of them learn quickly how to not wear their heart on their sleeve and become very aware of predators and they set about to shine their light. They are here. There are good men and good women but they aren’t in great numbers unfortunately. So many are sheep and lazyminded these days. They grew up on instant gratification and very content to be herded along.
Sharpen your focus on the kind of woman you really want to bring to you. Don’t spend too much time lamenting that one hasn’t come along yet. We have a great deal to do with – who we draw to us. Read Kahlil Gibran’s writing on Love and the one on Marriage in the book “The Prophet”. I couldn’t say it better than that.
Most women are real narcissists these days unfortunately just by the way they act now with many of us single men looking for a very serious relationship today. Very unfriendly troubled not playing with a full deck women everywhere now making it very difficult for many of us men. And when we try to approach a woman that we think would be really nice to meet for us, they will usually walk away and be very nasty to us for no reason as well. What in the world is wrong with women when there are many of us men looking for love now?
And how! I got caught in the snare of a woman who was/is all narcissist, all the way. She took me for a real ride. But here’s the deal. My mother is a complete narcissist. I grew up with one, and naturally I believed that was what love looked like. It spilled out into all my relationships with women. So all these little personality indicators listed here are real cute, but really our relationships and who we gravitate to are developed as early as childhood. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could just fit people/personalities into a nice little organized box and call it a day? lol. Alas, it does not work that way. I can guarantee if you learn more about your upbringing which is what makes you who you are, you will learn FAR more about why you are attracted to narcissists than any of these little articles. Further, we’ve got to stop bashing narcissists as a way to throw them away into some narcissist abyss. Because the truth is, we ALL have some level of narcissism in us! Oh yes, this is a fact
I fall into the category of examples given. My husband is a narcissist. I have experienced all form of abuse except physical abuse. We have 4 children.
I have never held of the word narcissist before I got. After 4years of marriage I became fully aware of my situation. I have sacrificed my self for his happiness consciously. I’m aware of my actions and I do it all the time because it makes he feel good.
One question I ask myself is how long will you continue to leave like this.
Women narcissists can be very scary and dangerous altogether.
Any narcissist is formidable, in my opinion.
Hi, thank you for your article, it is helpful; and the only thing that I don’t feel is accurate, is the example of a narcissist going to the gym five days a week, and the other part of that sentence or statement. A lot of people do that, and I believe the point could be better qualified to give off a less general essence.
Glade you believes that it’s about equal
Most women are real narcissists these days, that is for sure.
I prefer to think that most people have a little narcissism in them but it doesn’t mean they’re narcissists. And if we’re talking about genders, statistically, there are more male than female narcissists. Cheers!
I am a narcissist myself and I’m working on becoming a good person..I will overcome
Thank you for sharing
I agree with this. Everything is complex, and these distinctions can guide us but not tell us everything either. I’m not sure what you think about my last sentence but thank you for sharing.
Lol! How in the hell would you be able to come up with figures to back up a stupid statement like “statistically, there are more male than female narcissists.” Hell, that kind of statement alone is narcissistic in nature. LOL!! Cheers
Ben,
I’m not sure I understand what’s narcissistic about that statement. It’s a widely recognized fact that narcissism is more prevalent in men. You can consult a number of research articles to confirm that. For example, the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry states that the prevalence of lifetime NPD is “greater for men (7.7%) than for women (4.8%).” Perhaps, you should spend more time educating yourself and less time writing angry, demeaning comments. Just a thought
Working?
The comment? Yes, it seems to be working.
We are all working on things