Did you recently go no contact with a narcissist, or think of doing it?
You’ve got the right idea.
Going no contact is probably the most effective way to escape the claws of a narcissist.
However, it’s not as easy as blocking his number.
The narcissist isn’t the “if you love somebody set them free” kind of person.
He (or she) is going to fight! No contact is a huge ego blow to a narcissist, so he’s going to do everything in his power to get you back, or at least to punish you.
If you really want to remove a malignant narcissist from your life and stop him from destroying you any further, you need to know exactly what to expect when you go no contact, so you can stay no contact.
What is No Contact?
No contact is a very simple concept. It’s a total cessation of all contact with the narcissist. That means NO
- meetups
- casual hookups
- hangouts in a group setting
- staying “friends”
- accepting gifts
- phone calls
- text messages
- social media messages
- social media following.
But the cessation of all physical and social contact isn’t enough.
If you really want to untangle yourself from a narcissist, you have to cut them off emotionally and spiritually, too. That means NO MORE
- thinking or daydreaming about the narcissist
- reminiscing about “the good times”
- trying to decipher their messages or actions
- talking to friends about the narcissist
- looking at pictures of the narcissist
- driving past places that remind you of the narcissist
- holding on to gifts or other objects that are linked to the narcissist
- listening to the music you associate with the narcissist
- making excuses for the narcissist’s behavior
- having mental conversations with the narcissist
- reliving the painful moments
- plotting revenge against the narcissist
- fixating on the narcissist in any way.
Now that you know exactly what no contact is, and how to implement it on all levels, let’s look at the biggest mistakes you need to avoid when you want to cut the narcissist out of your life, for good.
10 Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact with a Narcissist
1. Underestimating the narcissist
This is the biggest mistake you can make when going no contact with your narcissist.
He will throw everything at you to get his “supply” back. That includes pulling on the heartstrings, pleading, appealing to your compassion…
He will unleash every weapon in his manipulative arsenal.
The narcissist will even “nuke” you if he has to: meaning, he will try to destroy your reputation, social life, career, and relationships with other people.
Never underestimate how cunning and destructive a narcissist can be.
2. Breaking no contact to reinforce no contact
Most likely, the narcissist will start “hoovering” to suck you back into a relationship.
In other words, he will be confessing his undying love for you, telling you that you’re the ONE, showering you with empty promises, sugarcoated pleasantries, and other fake overtures to wear you down.
At some point you might be tempted to respond, just to stop him from contacting you again.
You might say something like: “This is over. Please don’t send me any more messages.”
BIG mistake. You just told your narcissist: whatever you’re doing is working. Continue.
3. Needing a closure
This goes without saying: you will NOT get the closure you’re seeking with a narcissist. No contact is the best it’s going to get.
There will be no heart-to-heart where you talk about why your relationship ended.
He will not acknowledge your pain or admit any faults (unless he’s in his hoovering mode, then, by all means, he’ll say whatever you need to hear).
You will not get any answers from a narcissist.
Don’t try to put a nice little bow on that relationship. It was messy, confusing, painful, abusive, and very very exhausting. Just let it go.
4. Falling for the “flying monkeys”
“Flying monkey” is a term that describes people who the narcissist manipulates to do his bidding for him.
So if hoovering doesn’t yield the desired results, your narcissist will recruit other people to put pressure on you or to confuse you.
It could be mutual friends or even family members who will try to talk you out of no contact.
They will say that you’re overreacting, or that you’re being cruel. “He’s a really good guy, and he loves you so much,” they’ll say.
Remember: narcissists are all about projecting their ideal self-image, so few people know their real persona.
The “flying monkeys” may genuinely believe what they’re saying. These people are just pawns in his game.
5. Spying on social media
This may seem harmless but know that the narcissist is fully expecting you to do this (because this is what they are doing).
Think of his social media as a minefield of psycho-emotional booby traps.
Depending on what he thinks will work best on you, he will either be posting lots of sentimental pictures of the two of you or flaunting his new love interest with the intent to make you jealous.
Either way, he’s trying to engage you emotionally. So it’s better to just remove the temptation completely by disconnecting from his social media.
6. Believing he’s changed
You may think that the narcissist has moved on, but he’s just waiting for the right moment to waltz back into your life as a “completely different” person who’s “learned from his mistakes.”
DO NOT allow the narcissist to hook you back in, no matter how much it looks like he’d changed.
He can be charming and persuasive, and a part of you desperately wants to believe him, so you’ll be tempted to give him another chance.
But it won’t be long before he pulls the same ole’ sh*t that made you go no contact in the first place.
7. Obsessively analyzing what happened
I know you want to understand the “whys” and ponder the “what-ifs.” It’s normal and even beneficial up to a certain point because it will help you avoid the narcissist trap in the future.
But only to a certain point.
If you’re obsessing over what ended your relationship months or years after the fact, you are still entangled with a narcissist, even if you have no contact with him.
8. Not having a support system
Going no contact with a narcissist is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do.
And what makes it even harder is that at the time you initiate no contact, you are in a weakened state.
Because guess what? No one breaks up with a narcissist because they feel awesome and powerful.
No contact happens when you reach your breaking point; when you can take no more of the abuse, and you’re just too drained.
This is when it’s critical that you surround yourself with a good support system!
So that when you’re tempted to fall back into the oh-so-seductive dance with a narcissist, you’ll have people who know what you went through, can relate to your experience, and support you 100 percent.
9. Empathizing with the narcissist
A part of you will always love him. Always. And you genuinely wish him well. And you take no pleasure in the fact that he is miserable because you have ended the relationship.
But then again, your empathy is a big reason why the narcissist targeted you. Because of it, you are more likely to
- succumb to love-bombing
- provide narcissistic supply
- overlook glaring red flags
- try to “fix” the narcissist instead of leaving
- accept emotional abuse
- be manipulated by guilt.
The narcissist WILL play hurt and wounded. He wants you to feel bad for him, and it will be tempting for you to check up on him, or break no contact in some other way. Resist the temptation; this is just a ploy.
10. Defending yourself
During the course of the narcissist’s campaign to win you back, he may realize that it’s not working.
You are not falling for his tales of woe, and you are not returning his phone calls or texts no matter what he says.
At this point, the narcissist will move on to punishing you, which often means a smear campaign.
The smear campaign is a paradoxical situation where a victim of emotional abuse is made out to be the villain, and people actually join in with the abuser to attack and discredit the victim.
It’s hard to sit back and say nothing when ridiculous lies are hurled at you. It’s natural to want to defend yourself.
But you must try to resist it because defending yourself is still engaging with the narcissist. It’s a form of contact.
For an in-depth look at the psychology of narcissism, read 20 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Narcissism
Staying No Contact With a Narcissist, For Good
Going no contact is sort of “the thing” these days.
There are a million articles online that tell you to go no contact with a narcissist, but what they don’t tell you is that few people pull off no contact with a narcissist the first time.
That’s because the narcissist is so skilled at sucking you back in. Initiating no contact is one thing; maintaining it is quite another…
It requires strength and willpower on your part. And if you’re truly determined, eventually the narcissist will move on to the next target.
However, even when he’s given up on you, he never truly goes away. He feels like if he had you before, he can have you again. That you belong to him.
He may stay in the background for years, keeping tabs on you, watching you. Waiting for the right moment to pounce.
So be mindful of that.
Remember: the most important part of no contact is staying away.
And to do that, you have to cut all forms of contact with the narcissist, especially emotional contact.
You may think: what’s the harm in me holding on to some pictures and mementos? But that’s you leaving the door ajar for the narcissist to walk back into your life…
You have to stay committed to no contact like your life depends on it. Because in a way, it does.
Remember everything they put you through. Remember how deceptive they are, and how much you’ve given them without getting anything in return.
This is your chance to regain control of your life and get rid of the narcissist, once and for all.
NEXT
Going No Contact with a Narcissistic Grandmother
A Child Custody Battle With a Narcissist: Best Strategies That Win Cases
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I was in a relationship with a narcissist man for 1 1/2 years we lived together. I was in therapy before we moved in together. Everyone around me kept telling me he is a Narcissist. I didn’t know what that meant. I started to feel like I was in jail with no contact to my family. I caught him lying to me constantly. I found conversations he had with other women. He would start a fight and leave and not come home that night and say he spent the night in his van. I didn’t believe that and told him. One day he was sneaking out of the house to go with who ever so I called my son and told him I need to leave now. With in 5 hours I was packed and moved out of the house. He had no idea so when he got home I was gone. 2 weeks later he sent me texts about how cruel I am for not respecting him enough to tell him so he can be there to watch to make sure I didn’t take his stuff. He accused me of destroying the place which I only took my stuff and the only thing i touched was taking his plants off my furniture I took. We are in a lease together until August. He had me pay for Feb rent and 400.00 for the destruction of the yard our dog did. After I started thinking I want him back and told him that I made a mistake . He said I hurt him beyond what anyone has done to him the way I left him. Right now I have not had any contact with him for 3 days now and yesterday there was a picture of him and a new found love. I miss him and I don’t know how to deal with all these emotions. Please help!
Have you ever gotten a gut feeling and wished you listened to it? You left because you couldn’t take it anymore. Please listen to what made you leave in the first place. The narcissist does not and can not love anyone. The Bible even describes them to a “T”. You can’t find that someone who will love you if you hang on to a truly evil person. They do not get better.It only gets worse. What would you tell your son if he was trying to get back with an ex-girlfriend just like your ex? You deserve to have someone make you feel like the prettiest, most special woman that you are. You deserve better. Took me almost 9 years to see through the trauma and deceptive tactics. I threw him out and went no contact. Within 2 days, my health started coming back. Don’t expose yourself or your son to further stress. You can do this!! Think of the family member or friend you love the most…. now love yourself like that
I pray A thorny hedge of protection around you and your family praying for peace for you That surpasses all understanding. I’m praying for the person that will be in your life next that you will have the discernment To see the truth in all you come in contact with. I pray angels on assignment will constantly protect you and and keep you from others that would hurt you…and I humbly ask that Jesus Christ of Nazareth rebukes toxic people from your life. You are too important as a parent to let anyone make it harder for you to be a great influence. It helped me to think back to what I liked when i was younger…and do those things again (ice cream, on demand favorite movie, dressing up every day even at home, comedians- Nate Bargatze is hilarious… mani pedi, adopting a rescue dog)
And when you start thinking of wanting to go back to him, go get a mammogram every day for a week…or get a full body wax 😳 I promise it will hurt less than going back 😁💜 You are precious. You’ve got this!
Chris I went thru the same gave $1200 because my ex swore they would be homeless. I ended up pulled back in after this for months but the lies got worse. I have been no contact for over a week now. The ex finally attempted to call me today and it’s the hardest thing to stick with no contact but we can do it. We deserve better. They will only draw you back in to punish you.
What if you went no-contact during the idealization phase? I found out he was online cheating on me (asking his ex for nudes) while we were together. We were together only for 6 months but I was deeply convinced he was in love with me. It is hard to believe 100% that he is a narcissist because we never got to the devaluation stage. He keeps trying to reach me via his friends as I blocked him on every possible platform and we don’t live together. He keeps telling them how much he loves me and respects me. I never confronted him because the evidence of his cheating came from his ex, and he threatened her safety severely if she ever told me. I am afraid he might resort to physically knocking at my door one day…
i f peopkecare shitscflushvthem sropvthevosyxobabble. i am a phD thatcsayscavlitvaboutvyou
Nothing is ever mentioned about having a narcissistic young adult-aged child. I guess you always want someone to give you permission to go no contact because it goes against societal norms. It’s all such an exhausting mind game.
Hi Tia,
You’re right, there isn’t as much content about narcissistic adult children. I’ll be sure to address this topic in my next post.
Thank you for reading!
Lana
That is me to a T . How do you stop being a narcissist?
Hi Lana,
I need some advice. We were together for 2+ yrs and last 1.5yrs have been a rollercoaster of fights and tears. I’ve now decided to leave him and I’m trying the No Contact thing with him for a week now. Have blocked him from calls, msgs and social media. He tried to scare me of revenge if i dont get back to him and also tried to destroy my relations with my friends and family at which he has almost succeeded. He is spamming my Textbox and mails, asking for a reply and apologizing for all he did. He is asking for a last chance and claiming that he’ll change and i’ll never be sad again with him.
I dont know how long will it take for him to accept this that i dont want to get back into that abusive and manipulative relationship.
Can u please suggest based on your experience, How much time will it take for him to stop contacting me.
The man I was in an abusive/narcissist relationship with contacted me after 40 years after he found out my husband died. It started out looking innocent, a few texts here and there, but then he started hinting at where I was living and trying to manipulate the information from me. I have been educating myself about narcissists, (my mother in law was a narcissist…went no contact 3 years before my husband died) and recognized the tactics. I blocked his number and thank I God for His protection and peace. They don’t change, they only get better at it.
why did the author of this useful article feel the need to make it gender specific? these are all good points and apply to narcissistic people and good ways to manage oneself out of a dreadful and emotionally abusive relationship.
I’m trying to understand if I block or ignore? I blocked him over 2 years ago and now he has tracked down my new phone number and other radom socials accounts. He is in prison so the contact is illegal, but shutting that down just allows him to be sneaker later. Do I block everything? Report anonymously? Or just ignore? I have been zero contact for 2+ years.
After 5 years of working with a co-worker/friend I was able to go no contact in July and haven’t looked back. We are both in Management so I was able to transfer to a satellite office. We had gone through 18 other employees until I was the last one standing with her. The final straw for me was — we had assembled yet another team of employees and had decided that we would come to each other instead of voicing our displeasure with each other in front of staff. Also we would not get involved in gossip anymore. Well I kept my end of the bargain–she did not. I knew she could not change and it was over for me. Fast forward almost a year: she has NOT stopped trying to sabotage me. Just found out today that she told such and outrageous lie about me it was laughable. Found out she ran a background check and me and implied I had a criminal record to another manager. I have never been arrested. It just goes on and on. She is unstable and I think she has medical issues –she may be trying to burn me on her way out. The owners know she is crazy and do nothing about it. Best thing 9 months later–going no contact is not easy but must be done for ones sanity
I just cut ties with my Narcissist friend. I am lucky enough to have experienced what a narcissist is like, so I saw all the warning bells with this guy.
It started with that feeling of being totally drained after getting off a phone call with him. He would call me on the way to work or to the shops. Ask me how i am and then talk right over me and tell me about his issues. I would give him a solution then he would say ” got to go, I’m at work now” I’d be like wth??? Constantly talking over me, to draw breath to speak about himself, NEVER touching on what I was talking about. Just using me to sort his issues out.
He would do this constantly, until the other day, I told him that he needs to read the book ‘The art of conversation’ because you never let me talk. I said to him it can be quite draining. I know for a fact it offended him because he stopped talking to me, even after I sent him a voicmail to ask his opinion on something. He read the message and just blanked me. He will ignore me, then when he’s feeling better, call me like nothing has happened.
What he doesn’t realise, is that i don’t play mind games and i don’t get punished or tolerate the silent treatment, i’m too old for all of that. I go stealth mode. If you don’t respect me enough to talk to me like a friend, then I don’t want you in my life. That behaviour doesn’t serve me or where I want to go.
So I thought hard about it and thought about how I feel around him. I don’t feel good and I don’t like his anger either. He will call me while driving and start shouting and cursing people in his car. I keep asking him not to do it. Or just call me when you’re not driving, but he does it anyway, so yeah, he’s no good for my equilibriam.
Blocked from all Social Media and other communications. Done. I feel fantastic.
I know him like clockwork. He will try to call me today, now that he feels that he has punished me enough, but he’ll realise that i’ve moved on. I expect to get a call from a mutual friend today or later in the week, to ask me if I’ve blocked him, because I know he can’t keep his mouth shut. He moans and complains about everyone, so I’ll be on his list next with our mutual friend.
I don’ intend to tell her anything. In fact, I will deny it, because i’m not going to get involved in this gossip play or Chinese whispers.
I recently broke-up with my ex-girlfriend for the tenth time in five months. I think she has NPD. I’ve tried multiple forms of contact/no-contact during our relationship and separations. Blocking, taking a break/walk, friends-only, no chat after certain hours, no serious topics before or at work, no talk during showers or intimacy, and even discussed a third-party/therapist. How aggravating for such a short-lived entanglement. I’m writing this reply after ten days of No Contact. Last time I made it 14 days. She sent an e-mail at 2:08 AM this morning. It was her apology. Insincere and overdue, IMO. She wasn’t specific, but did try to recognize her involvement. She did state that she doesn’t want any form of connection anymore. So, I guess I get what I wanted after all. Doing my best not to reply to her. Here is my pledge not to.
I agree. The best option is not to reply, if you’re committed to no contact. You can see through her apology. It’s just a hook to suck you back in. Stay strong, good luck!
Lana
Ant Man,
I totally understand your feeling, as I’m also in the beginning phases of initiating no contact “AGAIN”. Whatever you do, DON’T respond to the email. I know it seems heartless, but in reality, narcissistic people are obvious to anyone’s perspective aside from their own. They want to control you and determine outcomes. My best advice, keep moving forward. There will be times when you miss them and even hate that things have gotten to this extent, but don’t give in. The REALITY is, they DON’T deserve you and you don’t deserve to have your feelings crumbling into your lap. Lets face it, their sense of love is flawed and unachievable. When the phone rings, don’t answer it, it will ONLY lead to a window of lies and misery. Instead, when you miss the narcissist, call a friend. Also, start journaling. That has helped me quite a bit.
what to do if theyre my parents and i’m under their house. They also turn my siblings against me. “Why arent u talking to you parents, because they act innocent by saying my kid doesn’t reply:(” Im scapegoated and they lie by saying YOUR THE ONLY BOY” which is fake love. my sibling saw them physically hurt me when my parents they realised they crossed the line, but now since i have no money i stayed after the abuse and they think i accept the absue even thouggh i dont but they think hesstill here means hes cool with it,but im their kid nowhere else to be they cant expect me to have left when i have no money house car and since im still there after the abuse their like “OMG forget about it” Lets go get food, come on your over that,
Also they know im affected cuz i went no contact in their house now hes more happier CAUSE they know im affected, theyre very compettive with me and seek to ruin relationships and then they say “come on letstalk” like old time.
Since you’re currently living in their house, I would be very careful. If possible, you may want to explore other housing alternatives. I can’t imagine having a parent treat me this way. Nonetheless, you’re strong, wise, and capable of moving forward. I wish you the BEST of luck along your journey.
I am sure you will not publish this for people to view freely. You are the evil that exists. So, now call me the narcissist, correct? Your 10 steps is how you drive a wedge into the minds of young people still learning their way in the world. To separate them from their families so they fall prey to the likes of your brainwashing. This is a silent epidemic because you know once a person is separated from the people who love and care for them, you have total control over them. Young people should know that this is not how conflict is handled. Evil. Pure Evil.
FYI you just threw yourself under the bus & anyone that has been in a narcissistic-abusive relation of any kind can & WILL clearly see that this particular comment is the prime example of a red flag of a true narcissist. I’ve come to experience from my current relationship because he says that I’m “pure evil” & partakes in everything described above when it comes to the abuse towards the victim. I’m the “evil one & I deserve to be punished” because I choose to be completely authentic flaws & all & will NOT be submissive to what he demands/wants. Unfortunately for me that means more & more physical abuse coming my way. I went no contact once, but clearly failed. Now I am pregnant & the victim of narcissistic abuse. All I can say is I cannot expect anything to change or eventually “go my way” because I know him through & through. I call him out on his next move & I’m told that I’m a sadistic fat c*nt & I’m going to burn in hell because I’m supposedly “using technological warfare to read & control his mind & then turn everyone against him” and that “the whole world is out to get him” & he’s “the only victim known alive that’s dealing with all of this & everyone else is either aliens or demons/devils that want him dead” but he only talks & acts like this when we are at our apartment alone but when we are out and about in public when I’m not being completely sheltered… so only when he needs me to do something for him that benefits him… will he allow me to go out to serve his needs, he will someone act normal in front of others or if other people are around. But if no one is in hearing range he will deliberately switch up his act & quietly start punishing me by belittling or just blatantly ignoring me or making me feel as if I’m of no use to him so I try and work harder to achieve what he wants done. It’s extremely draining to say the least. But I choose to stick around because I’m stuck with what to do with my pregnancy situation. I live three and a half hours from home and my parents don’t know I’m pregnant. I’m 22 years old & he’s 32. It’s a whole mess but hey i left once and went back hoping it would be different. Definitely can say I learned my lesson… well not really bc I’m still in a shitty situation lol. But anyways the whole point of this comment was initially to state the simple fact of how dehumanizing that comment was by saying someone is “pure evil” by trying to simply GIVE a young child some sense of good orderly direction & a little bit of courage to protect him/herself from the true monster… god bless any & all that has ever experienced the true abusive nature of the dehumanization from a simple mere mortal being that will NEVER have the upper hand OR will they be of any sorts… higher than us.. the narcs victims… such a shame so many good and decent individuals undergoing such traumatic experiences.. and the worst part of it all is it happens or can happen way more than once. I being one of im sure many victims that have undergone numerous narcissistic relationships… my advice to every single one of the victims of narc abuse…
DO NOT EVER.. LET THEM.. STEAL YOUR SHINE BABYDOLLS, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WORTH IT. YOU WILL FOREVER & ALWAYS OWN SUCH A PRECIOUS SPOT IN THIS WORLD & NOBODY SHOULD EVER HAVE THE POWER TO STRIP YOU OF THAT TITLE. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. SO DONT YOU THINK OTHERWISE. MAYBE THEY DONT LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WISH THEY WOULD, BUT REMEMBER EVERYBODY WANTS SOMEBODY BUT DONT CONFUSE THAT WITH YOUR NEEDS.. AND MAYBE ITS TIME TO REALIZE THAT GOD IS TRYING TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU ARE MUCH MORE WORTHY & THAT THEY DO NOT DESERVE A FRONT ROW SEAT TO YOUR SHOW. ITS TIME TO TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT & SHINE HONEY… do yourself a favor, it’s time to turn around & walk the other way. Let them follow, they won’t ever be a leader, but you will be. Leave them in the dust just like they left you every time they crushed your heart and soul. You’re not like them so just hold onto that thought & do it with no remorse. Remember how easily they went about their day after destroying yours ? Time for you to do the same but in a way that aligns with your morals & values. No need to sabotage or seek revenge, all you gotta do is focus, turn the opposite direction & begin your journey to a new and wonderful beginning. I believe in you, & I love you !!! Never forget it. YOU WILL ALWAYS MATTER.
What do you do when you block your phone, and they still call your place of work?
No contact has been my goal and has worked for the most part. However, my narc ex and I have adult children and grandchildren together and he is involved in their lives. Fortunately, we live in different cities; consequently, I’ve been able to enforce no contact pretty well. Now he’s coming to visit the one adult daughter with whom I currently share a residence. He’s staying at a hotel. I have no desire to join them in their outings and gatherings because I have no desire to be in his presence no matter how nice he’s being. His intentions are never good. Any tips on how to ensure enforcement of my no contact in such situations?
I would communicate it clearly to your daughter that you don’t intend to break no contact. So you won’t be joining them for get-togethers and he can’t come to your joint residence. If you want to go one step further, ask your daughter not to tell you about their time together. If he decides to reach out to you for whatever reason, don’t communicate back no matter what he says. But try not to become preoccupied with his visit – that’s emotional engagement. Lead your normal life, stay grounded, and it’ll be over before you know it.
I am remaining no contact for 2 months and absolutely will not ever contact my ex again.
How do you cut off the occasional, annoying email that seems to require a response?
Example: I received a letter from Directv, do you want it?
No, it’s junk mail and more than that, I don’t want you to email me about anything.
But stating that seems like it would start a “thing”
No interest in any discussions, looking for a way to squash the “innocent” inquiries that are increasing in volume….
I am done, that’s been said. Do not want to constantly repeat or deal with this.
Hi J,
I think you’ve answered your own question…All these attempts to communicate that “seem to require a response” are nothing but cheap plots to rope you into contact again. No response is necessary. In fact, just block their emails. If you don’t have children together, there’s no actual reason to talk to them once you decide to go no contact.
Lana
I liked the way how this was presented but what i always miss is the how practualy ? It’s an endless pattern but still there surely different situations. Should you just cut everything off without even announcing? if they moved on ,already charging from a new supply or just dissapear ? They might not even notice. i my self have no contact but cannot block finally because there are open issues which will take time to arrange. my narc collapsed and got false diagnosis cptsd…he has actually managed to manipulate everyone ,believing that he has been abused even by me ,what is absurd because i am the one truelly suffering and being now treated for cptsd. I intent, after all issues done block everything but before i would like to release myself with a letter , finally speak up authentically .
Hi Angel,
I think a letter is a good idea. If nothing else, it will allow you to release some emotions and may even bring closure.
Wishing you well,
Lana