Hello! My name is Lana, I’m the founder of Toxic Ties:  a blog that offers support, education, and empowerment to people in toxic relationships.

And when I say “toxic relationship,” I mean a relationship plagued by emotional or other kinds of abuse.

If you do research on the subject, you’ll find that everyone is quick to tell you to cut toxic people out of your life, walk away, go “no contact” etc.

If you’re dealing with some random asshole, I’d say it’s good advice.

But in most cases, the toxic people in our lives aren’t the ones we can easily toss out like old bread. They are our fathers, mothers, sisters, mothers-in-law, bosses, friends, significant others…

Now, I’m not saying you should tolerate abuse. But let’s just admit that cutting those toxic ties isn’t that simple (otherwise they wouldn’t be toxic).

I would know.

I have a lot of experience with toxic relationships.

I grew up with an abusive father, dealing with a ton of self-esteem and self-worth issues. I often dated men who were emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, or immature. 

On a plus side though, each relationship brought me closer to confronting my own demons.

After much work, I’ve realized that I’ve invited these men into my life because they were a reflection of how I felt about myself. With that came more clarity, and I’ve been able to correct my patterns.

I’ve met a wonderful man who became my husband and the father of my child. Finally, I had a relationship based on love, support, and mutual respect.

This is where my story should end with me riding off into the sunset but…

Life’s not without its little surprises and puzzling ironies.

Along with a loving husband I received a problematic mother-in-law, which means there’s so much more to learn!

So I started writing about it.

It was a form of therapy for me, and I didn’t think much of it. But before I knew it, I was getting hundreds of comments from women about their difficult mothers-in-law.

Some were asking for advice, others were just sharing their story, but the prevailing sentiment was: I’m glad I’m not alone.

Then I started writing about difficult parents, and again I was overwhelmed by the response I received. So many people were hurting. Some of them were even contemplating suicide.

It was heartbreaking to imagine that a young girl could think about killing herself because of the kind of relationship she had with her parent.

So I’ve been communicating with people in these types of relationships for many years via my writing.

I try to offer comfort and validation to those who’ve been battling their toxic opponents alone, in the dark, with no support from friends and family, or maybe even in opposition to everyone. I know what it’s like.

And this is how this blog came about.

It was conceived as a platform for supporting people (mostly women, let’s face it) who are in difficult, unhealthy, abusive relationships with toxic individuals.

I’m not an expert. I’m not a therapist. I don’t have all the answers.

I’m someone who’s been on the receiving end of abuse and knows a lot about it.

I want you to walk away feeling empowered after reading this blog, even in some small way. Feeling like not only are you not alone, but you are strong, capable, resilient, and NO ONE can break you.

So here’s the good news: you’re not alone.

And you’re not crazy.

Toxic people are good at manipulating your emotions, so they throw you off balance. They make you question your sanity, your logic, your character, and even your worth.

They want you to believe that you are lucky to have them, but the truth is: they bring no real value to the table.

Toxic people are just emotional vampires feeding on your energy. And since they can’t feed on positive emotions, they need to invoke negative ones. That’s just how they are.

So what do you do?

First, you need to know your enemy. You need to learn the tools, the signs, the lingo.

Then you need to find your center, your balance, your power, your peace within, and start acting and speaking from that place.

Toxic relationships can be the bane of your existence, or they can be powerful opportunities for personal growth.

Use them.